In which we discuss the relationships of the Nuclear Family, or the like. An important note: in the following Community Service conversation we held, we determined that the self community is the zeroth tier (Tier 0), and therefore the immediate family changed to be called Tier 1. This may help you transition from this conversation to the next one.
Recorded July 6, 2024
Show notes and links:
Avoiding Compromise with a Win-Win Solution https://intelligentmanagement.ws/avoiding-compromise-win-win-solution/
Song: Billy Don’t Be a Hero by Paper Lace https://youtu.be/ACrnyoldV24?si=gZO84Qzp65-9A-ww
It appears I got the movie wrong with the quote from the queen ant… it’s Disney’s A Bug’s Life https://youtu.be/hCF3RD6R8cg?si=fwYwNwf0Gr88Eoaq
Agrarian Society https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agrarian_society
Australian Walkabout https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walkabout
Transcript:
Jump to end
you know they say you can pick your
friends but you can’t pick your family
you didn’t choose to join your family a
husband and wife can choose to join each
other but the kids can’t choose well
there is um some religious idea that you
did choose your family and
like this is the family that you chose
before you came to Earth before you were
born you had a choice of which family
you were going to choose and you chose
this family and now you’re stuck with it
this is the family that you’ve
got we got to the point where do we get
to the point we were just on the tier
one so we had we had the zero we decided
to rename that instead of tier one being
yourself uh-huh you’re you’re zeroth
Community is yourself okay and your
first Community is your relationship
family relationships let’s just assume
that we talked about that completely I
think that we did I think we we did
finish that out uh let’s see there was
maybe a question about expectations the
more expectations that you have for a
community the closer that Community is
to you is that correct do that feel
right I don’t know that that’s right
okay tell me about that it’s a premise
the more expectations you have the
closer the community is to you I again
that’s saying that you you’ll you have a
lot of different modes that you interact
with your family community the community
in your house expectations or modes of
contact modes of contact like you can
call them up and text them and message
them or no that’s modes of communication
yeah that you have a relationship your
relationship is joined by many more
aspects rather than just being a friend
at work or or a friend an acquaintance
they’re not acquaintances they’re your
family so you’re expected there’s a
conversation that continues I think you
identified that as as expectations you
the expectation that that you’re in a
conversation they’re going to remember
what you said last week and that these
are the family roles family roles can
have you know that’s another expectation
of of a family group that you wouldn’t
have of a group that’s outside the
family understandings maybe yeah
understandings connections it’s an
intimacy you’re you’re more intimate
with that group that you have more
expectations in you have greater
intimacy
requirements with just meaning the
connections that you have with that
group of people so if you identify as
expectations there’s other things it’s
it’s intimate Intimate Relationships
it’s connections intimate connections
that’s your tier one okay and then who
is in tier two so tier two are people
that you have a connection with that’s
not well it’s outside the family and
tier one is just clearly defined as
family that’s your household okay but
not always directly your family because
sometimes you’re not in contact with
your family so it it could be whoever
you’re living with that was cleared up
in our other conversation it’s it’s your
primary home home is how i’ have to say
that anything outside the home is now
goes into tier tier two so tier one is
your home it’s your it’s the home front
tier two then goes to everything else um
it’s your extended family so first let
just start with that kids that leave the
house they’re now in tier two they’re at
college or they’re out on their career
they get married they move away and have
their own F they’ve got their own tier
one so they’re a tier 2 relationship to
you yeah they’ve graduated out of the
tier one into the tier two yeah so and
how’s that graduation happen by gaining
independence yeah they don’t need your
care as strongly as they used to you’re
not as responsible for them and under
the expectation idea that you brought up
earlier that that idea you expect less
from them you don’t have an expectation
they’ll call you or be home at 10:00
yeah there’s less boundaries less
requirements less expectation less
intimate connections with that person so
we may talk once a week or once a month
or every three months there’s no
requirement for the frequency decreases
quite a bit so a tier two is is lower in
frequency than tier one in relation to
family family that has left the home
stead that family is an external
extended family now extended family so
that would also be like second cousins
and aunts and uncles and grandparents
and siblings yeah siblings and parents
um parents of the zeroth person you know
so you’re the individual you’ve got a
you got a spouse and you’ve got children
in the home you have brothers and
sisters outside an in extended family
box in tier two so that all those people
uncles Aunts Uncles great Grandmom’s
they’re all out in extended family I
like how you said box so if you create a
circle around yourself then you’re the
zeroth tier you’re the circle and then
outside of that is a
circle um with your tier one your your
household your home right and then
outside of that is a box because some
some of your tier 2 people are closer to
you and some of them are farther away
from you in the corners of the Box okay
so we’re talking about tier two tier two
are the people outside your family
outside your tier one the first
Community you serve is that tier one the
next Community you serve is tier two
tier two is anyone you can reach and we
got to Define how to do that we’re going
to get to that point but if it’s just a
circle why would you say that there’s
some that are harder to get to or
further away
what what would be further away like
we’re talking we’re talking relatives
aunts and uncles maybe we don’t talk to
at all so maybe their further way would
we say further or farther is further
because farther is is a little bit more
literal as far as distance goes further
is a distance F further is degree that’s
what they say yeah
so they’re further away because you
haven’t talked to them in a few years
but they’re still in tier two right
they’re there so the space I don’t know
that it’s a box but it’s still a circle
okay still a circle throw that box idea
out with segments it’s a segmented
Circle though the segmented Circle
because it’s not just extended family
one segment of that is extended family
and it is gradiated
gradient so it’s graded you have
extended family that you know a child
that just left the houses in college
you’re still talking to all the time
maybe even supplying them some money for
food or whatever yeah they’re they’re
still not in the household but they’re
going to be closer to you than the child
that’s got four kids and lives in
another state you know right you don’t
contact them as much so they’re further
away in that but they’re still in the
same segment of that tier they’re still
on the same segment of the tier even
though they’re farther away right and
you don’t talk to them as often well
they’re yeah or or further away way
they’re they’re just they’re just out
there you don’t have as much connection
so the connection
decreases but it’s still tier too there
there’s no difference between an aunt or
an uncle that you only talk to every 10
years or a a child an adult child that
you talk to every week There’s no no
difference in the
relationship no difference in the
responsibility responsibility we’re
talking about
service requirement service service in
communities how did we start this is it
the communities you serve community
service that’s how we started this so
the service that you’re obligated to
maybe your your responsibility towards
that third third cousin or that Uncle
that’s you only talk to every 10 years
still you’re responsible with that
relationship that’s your relationship if
you called them he would know you are
and there’d be a connection even though
it’s not not very strong
yeah so we we did decide that nursing
children are in your zeroth circle we
called it tier one but now it’s the zero
tier um they’re they’re part of you
because you are they’re incredibly
dependent on you and they’re your main
responsibility and the less responsible
you are for something the further away
from you they get and am I going in the
wrong Direction with responsibility here
saying that everyone in tier 2 for you
your extended family whether they’re
your adult children that have left the
home or your aunts and uncles that you
haven’t seen for a while is it wrong to
say that they’re all you have the same
responsibility for all of them the same
degree of responsibility yeah and I I I
think that’s accurate it is the same
degree of responsibility some ants
Aunt Leola who may be out there you’re
going to run across her and she’ll know
if she knows who you are you know who
she is you’re just as responsible as
being part of the family you you’ll
recognize that and you’re not going to
you’re going to treat them as though
they’re extended family as opposed to
just an appoints on the street or
another concert goer you go to a concert
and you run into your cousin your cousin
is someone different running into than
just running to the high school buddy so
there’s that
responsibility you ability to respond
again responsibility the ability to
respond to that connection the
connection is real and so that’s what
we’re talking about all right here’s
another question for you what if you
have never met your cousin like have
never spent time with them but you know
that they’re your cousin and you run
into them at the concert you’re not
going to really treat them different
than your high school buddy because like
you might not even say hi or wave or
anything you just know oh yeah that’s my
cousin over there and over here on this
side is my coworker and yeah and so
you’re going to talk to your co-workers
the cousins just be someone you you
might even not even say hi to or nod to
because you recognize them but they’re
not in your circle they’re not close
enough but you can still identify them
as your cousin I think you’re kind of
like Hawaii go to Hawaii everyone calls
everyone cousin because they’re all
related everyone on the island related
each other so hm is just a word that
they use alir and maybe they still do it
I don’t know they did it 30 years ago
I’m sure they do so you know that you’re
related there’s some connection to you
it’s just a identifying that so whether
you talk to them very much with and
that’s kind of the the tears going out
in that segment you get out to the edge
of the segment maybe you never see your
your uncle from your paternal
grandparent grandmothers
side or they’re far enough away you
could identify them you know that they
live in Oklahoma perhaps but you don’t
know anything else about them and you’ve
seen their picture and you can identify
them in in the store but and you know
them on your on your family group sheet
you can see that they’re there and
they’re still alive they haven’t died
yet cool but that’s all that you know so
are they still in your tier two then if
they’re that distant yeah they are
because that’s what classifies them so
this is I think it’s classification the
segments or
classifications they certainly they
could still be I mean your cousin could
still be a a high school acquaintance
but really the cousin trumps over over
the high school acquaintance your
cousin’s always your cousin whether he’s
in high school or whether you ever
worked with him or not on a job you you
work with somebody that there’s a work
acquaintance that’s one segment is who
you work with other segment is is who
you’ve had acquaintances with I guess I
I don’t know so then it doesn’t matter
matter how responsible you are for them
or it doesn’t matter how close you are
then your extended family is just going
to be in tier two and that means then
whether you speak to your immediate
family or not they’re still in tier one
like if they’ve completely disowned you
or if you’ve disowned them like you’ve
gone no contact they’re still in tier
one with the people in your own
household yeah the person living in the
other side of the house that stays in
her bedroom and you stay in your bedroom
and nobody and you don’t talk you don’t
talk you’re still tier one because
you’re in the same household so and what
if a a child runs away from home and
they’re not in the same household like
maybe they’ve been living away for a
year living with their friends or
something just couch surfing yeah but
they’re a minor still does that mean
that their parents are still in their
tier one Circle or if they plan on never
seeing their parents parents again does
that mean they’re now tier two probably
I if the if the child ran away and wants
to be gone and the parents are okay with
the child being gone if the parents
aren’t okay with it and they’re
following him and tracking him no one
worries at sitting outside in the car or
uh knocking on the door and trying to
talk to them every day clearly there’s
still a tier one so it’s the community
service it depends on how you decide to
serve that child or the child decides to
serve parents yeah okay so it sounds
like you’re saying there’s a decision
for whether they’re in tier one or not
which means someone could still be in
the same house and decide that they’re
not in tier one possibly does that how
does that feel you’re not the boss of me
type idea expert talking mom but you’re
not the boss of
me I’m doing what I do so you can’t have
expectations of a child like that so uh
just theual child who’s not going to do
anything kind of like more of a more of
a plant in the house than a person if
someone chooses that and that’s a
decision so that person because we’re
talking about community service so what
are what are you responsible to serve
it’s the responsibility to serve that
individual if the individual says don’t
serve me don’t talk to me I’m fine with
my twinkies and donuts and and I’ll
drink water out of the Town yeah and I I
have a job and I’ll pay I’ll pay for all
my food and I’m paying you rent and I
have my own car and I pay my own gas I’m
just in this house because I can’t leave
yet because you won’t sign my
emancipation papers because I’m not 18
yet and they don’t want to run away
they’re responsible enough for
themselves so they they become their own
zeroth person saying my community is me
now and I’m not part of your tier one
anymore you’re you’re and the now it’s
tier too the extended family even though
I’m still in your house I’m the zeroth
tier I’m responsible for me you don’t
don’t talk to me anymore I know what I’m
doing yeah can it be possible that that
child can be in tier one of the parents
but the parents can be in tier two of
the child yeah so the parents are still
serving them with providing the house
over their head giving them everything
that they need and deciding to be as
involved as the kid will let them
correct if if the kid did break his arm
and in the house they would step in and
take care of it just like it’s any other
child in the house they they know
they’re close enough that they know if
there’s a a problem or an issue or they
start throwing up the parents are going
to step up and say Let’s help you what
what can I do to help you let’s get you
to the hospital the emergency room let’s
try to pump your stomach out get that
stuff out of you whatever you did but
you would do that for anyone in tier two
given that you’re in their vicinity if
they happen to be close enough to you
so if if there was a family gathering or
you went a picnic in the backyard
someone did that you you’ll take that
other person here to or You’ take the
stranger that was just out in front of
your house for the hospital you do the
same thing for any of them so what’s the
difference of taking some of the
hospital that’s just outside your house
completely stra complete stranger or a
tier two relative or someone that’s tier
two inside your own but I don’t know if
there’s a difference for that time of
service I think that the emotional
connection is the difference I think
that if you take like your niece to if
you take your niece to the hospital
you’re going to be most more emotionally
in involved invested yeah invested in
what happens to her and you’re not just
going to drop her off the bra room and
say I don’t know her name I I I got to
get to work right right if it’s your
niece you’re going to be there with with
emergency you to call work and say and
that’s that’s right so that’s the
community service you’re going to take
that other segment work segment and say
I’m I’m stopping where I’m not going to
work today because my niece is in the
hospital and I’ve got it I’m the only
one taking care of her so is there an
emotional facet to these tears because
we’re talking about Community servicing
yeah it is it is emotional and and I
think it’s decision too because you can
decide as the zeroth person you you can
decide not to serve your primary home
and that’s that’s where this the impetus
started the responsibility you’re
responsible to serve that if you don’t
serve it what’s the consequences if you
decide to be emotionally detached what’s
the consequences what what does that
mean the child who decides to
emotionally detach from the family that
means that child though living in the
home is not part of the home he’s
snubbed to the rest of the family so I
I’m not participating he’s not part of
the home but he’s still part of the
house yeah he’s a
parasite well it’s a little bit harsh he
might be a little harsh but let’s say
it’s the husband that decided okay and
and here’s here’s the reason it came up
is is when does the husband disregard
the family is there a an appropriate
level of responsibility a husband has to
the wife and the kids in the household
that has to be met before he steps into
the workplace or backwards with his
friends you know with uh extended family
you know play out with his cousins all
the time we’ll go through the other
other things of tier two but if you
don’t we we talked about that if you’re
not completely stable yourself as a zero
tier you can’t really serve tier tier
one you can’t serve it as effectively as
you would if you were healthier if
you’re completely unhealthy if you’re
spent if you you you can’t operate you
can’t can’t serve tier one and so the
point is from tier one to tier two if
you’re trying to serve tier two and tier
one is broken if you’ve ignored tier one
you’re not going to be as effective in
tier two yeah okay so now what if we
think about this as like a three- tiered
cake so the the bottommost tier is you
well on a cake it’s the first tier but
like you this is the zero with tier or
maybe it’s the plate that the cake is on
and then next up which is a little bit
on a cake it gets smaller as it goes up
you’ve got this the foundation yourself
and then next up is tier one which is
your immediate home
relationships and they can’t they can
sit on the lower tier if like some of
the lower tier isn’t there but the more
you take away from that tier then the
whole rest of the cake is going to fall
over and so you need a strong foundation
and then the next one needs to be strong
enough to hold up the one on top of that
it fills this fills backwards though
because then like top down if you’re
looking at the cake then you’ve got the
top tier is the center of all of the
circles but we’re thinking about being
strong enough to support it yeah it’s an
upside upside down pyramid I that’s
maso’s hierarch meets your secure and
safety on the bottom first important and
then you you’ve got your I don’t know
what’s next I forget health I don’t know
the the direction but up to
self-actualization or your your ego on
the top and that’s a right side up
pyramid right yeah it’s a right side up
pyramid but who you are is I I made some
indication in the in the past that it’s
more like a Christmas tree your self
actualization you’re the trunk of the
tree the trunk has to be strong but a
Christmas tree is has a a strong trunk
trunk right in the center and then it
spreads out you do have your first
Community you know your Safety and
Security and then it and then it
pyramids up to the top of the tree yeah
it grows the it grows those bottom
branches first and then as the trunk
comes up through the middle then more
branches come out the top branches are
actually the youngest branches of the
whole tree and they’re the ones that you
serve less there’s less effort in those
branches and just like a tree you got be
the strong trunk and the branches that
you grew first your family you’re your
tier one they have to remain strong to
to hold that tree stable if it gets
lopsided if the wind blows and it blows
to one side that can topple the trunk
everything will break it’s got to grow
symmetrically around or a branch has to
be cut off well it has to grow
symmetrical it has to grow appropriately
well not all trees do I mean I guess
pine trees maybe grow like that but an
Alpine tree so have to talk about a
Christmas tree so an Alpine that’s going
to be a cone shape and that’s that’s
what it is the branches on the bottom
are necessary they still have pine
needles they’re they’re still they still
operate completely but then they get a
little offshoots there too they have
kids and yeah they never move up to tier
two as you extend out to tier two that
tier one has to remain strong the tier
one can bring you back I guess if if you
lose half the tree of the tier one one
it gets lopsided and it can topple with
the with the tree idea you’ve got just a
single you holding everything together
you the trunk tied to the roots rather
than the plate under a cake you you’ve
got to be you got to be solid and who
you are well for any of that’s work yeah
if you’re not solid you’re not going to
be able to work so that zeroth Branch
trunk of the Trey needs to be solid
anywhere and extended family if you go
out to your extended family if you’re a
mess they it’s not going to help them at
all you’re not going to be helped by
that they’re not going to be happy to
see you okay in order to be able to
serve effectively your tier 2 Community
then you need your tier one Community to
be strong and healthy that’s the
supposition that that’s that’s the
theory so yeah let’s try to prove or
disprove that theory can you step out
into tier two with a broken tier one
even though you’re strong so let’s say
you’re strong you you are who you are
but you disregard your family your
homestead you say I’m just gonna not do
that because I like my work Association
better is that kind of what they do with
military when when you’re deploy if a
husband’s in the military and he’s
called to go off to war for six months
or eight months or a year and he’s he’s
deployed on the ship he’s on the ship
for 10 months at a time and you leave
the wife and the kids back at home is he
not responsible for the home is he
stepping out is he breaking some rule
here yeah he’s changing his tier one
from his immediate family to his country
or his Squad to his yeah and that to be
his work he chose that work if you’re
drafted it’s different they don’t draft
married men they draft sh goal man and
women potentially I guess we haven’t had
a draft women yet not yet but if there’s
a draft I bet they open it to women so
the draft wouldn’t take married men and
that’s that’s the the point is is you
don’t they didn’t want to they want to
break up that first Circle that tier one
I feel like married men have been
drafted before so we can’t say that they
just don’t do that and married men
certainly are in the military and they
are deployed and they say leave your
wife for for 6 months or a year you can
talk on the phone now with
Communications the way they are 50 years
ago they would write a letter and it
would take three weeks to get there and
or two months two months to get back
yeah it was it was a bigger problem then
now you’ve got FaceTime you talk every
day yeah depending on what kind of
situation you’re in you might like I
think on boats Communications are very
limited as far as getting to the outside
world yeah your your tier one becomes
your work but when you’re deployed like
that you have work time and you have
rest time and it might not be so blurred
it might be a a bit separated and so
you’ve got the people that you’re living
with still and then you’ve got the work
that you
do and the umbrella overall of that is
serving your country that’s just the
same as if you were serving working for
a major corporation for Microsoft for
bowling you know I’m serving I’m serving
the good that I’m deciding serve whether
it’s the country I don’t know that
there’s a delineation their difference
okay in that in in who your major boss
is you’re loyal to the country or you’re
loyal to the company that you serve and
the company that you serve says you’re
going to have to go on the road because
you got these training sessions at me
six cities it to take you three months
to get through those you’re you’re the
only one that can do it and we we love
you for doing that you go off and do
what’s necessary for you your loyalty
and your loyalty in that second tier
your workplace takes precedent for a
time over the family yeah that’s what
you choose that hopefully that’s a
choice that you made is sometime I’m
choosing this work and sometime there’s
going to be work trips or deployments
and dear wife or future wife are you
okay with this are you okay with not
being my first tier for however long I
have these other responsibilities and
there would you’re assuming that still
would be a choice and so you choose to
provide for the family and go out
because you can earn the income that’s
necessary to send back home if you
stayed home you’d have to get the job at
the supermarket and it’s not going to be
a tenth of what the earning would be so
you compromise well you’d hope that it
would be better than a
compromise because compromise well I
mean I suppose sometimes a compromise is
unavoidable got to be a win-win I I I
hate the word compromise also you not
that you compromise you you both agree
that you’re going to allow something to
happen because I’m going to win with
this benefit while you win with that
benefit yeah instead of I’m going to get
what I want and you have to give up
something because of that a a correct a
correct win-win situation neither of you
worried about where you’re giving up
you’re you’re paying the price by saying
this is this is the cost we’re getting
what I what I need here I need the
excess income and so I’m just giving up
the fact you’re going to be gone for six
months it’s the way it is and we’ll talk
on the phone every night there’s other
there other ways to serve you don’t have
to necessarily be physically there in
order to still serve that community
so the family still working if it’s
strong it still needs to be strong if it
breaks up say for instance the husband’s
deployed in the wife says I never wanted
to marry a military guy why did you join
it’s the song Billy don’t be a hero
right you got go to war but don’t
volunteer for anything idiot come back
to me and he ends up volunteering for
everything and bil’s off being a hero
that that’s a sad song Sad position the
wife was put in you know i’ I’d rather
be married to you than have you go off
and save the country but that’s what you
chose being a hero um you can’t be a
hero like that unless you’re unless you
have the support of your your wife or
your tier one Community if you do go off
to Bey old then you’ve shunned your wife
and your and your primary responsibility
so there’s a primary responsibility you
should take care of that primary
responsibility first and make sure that
it’s a win-win situation there that then
if there’s agreement that yes you have
you feel the desire to serve your
country you want to join that you want
to be deployed and there those are your
reasons and I understand those reasons I
I wouldn’t choose it if I were you but I
recognize that you’re making that choice
and we’ll do these things instead of you
being home every night so let’s find the
way to make it work the the best way to
accomplish it now if she just reject it
spouse rejects it and says no you’re
going to have to just stop being in the
military that’s not it I I’m I’m happy
working with a with a guy who stalks the
clunk at night just do that I’m not
gonna not g to let you leave and be hero
no hero in this family what if you don’t
want to do that well then it’s it goes
back to responsibility of the other
person in that Circle so then the
husband has to say does it mean so much
to me can I can I leave this circle
together and take myself back to the
zeroth and erase that at tier one and
break up the family is the family mean
more to me to keep it together and then
I have to leave my career and join a a
stocking CR with the super mar yeah do
you think that’s a valid choice to cut
off um responsibilities that you have
for for a closer tier for the sake of
being being able to participate in tier
2 activities why would why would you do
that yeah what reason would cause you
that well like if if you just want to be
a military man but your wife really
doesn’t want you to and so you’ve got to
pick military or my wife and Military is
is your work and that would be tier two
right right and your wife is tier one so
you you can change your tier one and
that’s what you’re saying it you can say
okay this this tier one that I used to
have a wife and two kids I’m going to
divorce that from me and I’m going to go
and join the the
squad and that’s going to be my new tier
one so it’s me and me and my captain and
and my buddies we’re going to be the
tier one and you know you get my alimony
and child support and all that stuff
you’ll still be there to support you but
I’m not there to support you because I’m
doing this and you didn’t want me to do
this but this is who I am sorry yeah so
is that a valid choice that you can make
and that’s a choice that people have
made I’m sure you’d make that choice for
that purpose you’d make that choice for
that purpose would it be a correct
Choice correct yes would it be a moral
choice probably not I know that it’s
difficult to say there’s no there’s no
absolute on this but yeah your opinion
is probably not the the other option
well is to be happy with a lower smaller
life you know a quieter life but less
less heroic just live in your small town
run the supermarket and there’s stories
about that dud the the hero the amazing
person that was able to be amazing
because he’s got these requirements to
be around the family or someone to take
care of say there’s a a special needs
child that’s never going to get out of
that connection of zero with chear
that special means child’s always in the
home so you you can’t jump off and do
something else yeah perhaps you could if
you had enough money but you are
emotionally
divorced yet still
financially supporting then there’s
moral challenges with that you if you
just put your um special needs child in
a assisted living facility and say the
nurs security care for I’m paying
$10,000 a month and they’re give them
everything so whether I see him every
month or not is going to be fine he’s
got the nurses there’s people there
there’s there’s friends so and that’s
why
orages popped up because kids existed
without families so you had to care for
them some the Foster system now when the
parent is no longer able to or steps out
on their own choice or just because did
they had to or they’re in prison so
that’s the other thing is is if you’re
taking a prison for something like
let’s just use the January 6th event
let’s say someone was put in prison for
doing no wrong but being in the wrong
place the wrong time and whether they
talk about Asylum or political prisoner
people seeking Asylum that would be in
prison if they were in their own country
and I don’t know anyone in that
situation I’ve heard heard stories that
there are people that have been in
prison for two or three years now for
being at the January 6 thing and they
have no representation but they can’t go
home either in the wrong place at the
wrong time even like they they were not
expecting at all that it was going to
turn out like this right we’re just
going to go join a a make a statement
maybe make a you know be part of the
crowd part of the group that promotes
what you morally believe in and after
that you’re you’re stuck in prison for
years and there’s stories like that I
mean yeah that’s that’s everywhere that
someone’s taken away
when you’re taken you can’t do anything
Val it’s not a choice you made it’s just
circumstance yeah and those who you are
responsible for or who are in your tier
one they have to deal with it it’s
automatically interrupted and it’s
broken and it’s not
working they don’t like it but they have
to continue so the tier one has to
continue I mean even the military guy
who decides to go off and say I’m I’m
going to divorce this situation you guys
live I’ll send you money but they still
have to operate they’re still tier one
together there’s you know four of them
let’s say and and they’re all zeroth
persons on themselves and they all have
a tier one that they’re agreeing to be a
part of but this guy who used to be a
zeroth person and in that tier one now
stepped out thinking is a child child
that steps out before he’s 18 says I
still be here but I’m I’m gone so it is
a choice I think to be a part of that
First Community all right can you choose
who is in your first Community or who is
in your second Community you know they
say you can pick your friends but you
can’t pick your family you didn’t choose
to join your family a husband and wife
can choose to join each other but the
kids can’t choose well there is um some
religious idea that you did choose your
family and like this is the family that
you chose before you came to Earth
before you were born you had a choice of
which family you were going to choose
and you chose this family and now you’re
stuck with it this is the family that
you’ve got and that’s a that’s a nice
concept a nice sentiment I mean you can
assume it’s true let you say it’s true
it’s true you select it but then you
can’t say the second part of that saying
this is the family you got it’s family
you chose so it’s not what you got where
this is your path through life this is
your mission is to deal with this family
because you chose it and you chose it
for on purpose or else God chose it for
you been sent you here to this mission
on purpose so that’s the other way to
think about where you are where your
non- choosing relationships fall is that
there’s a Supreme Being that knows that
you were put your on purpose for a
reason the other one other way to think
of it is just you just happen to be
there and it’s a circumstance that
you’re living with and so deal with your
circumstances as they are this is your
tier one family work with them if
they’re all idiots they’re just all
idiots and everyone works as uh I don’t
know manure spreaders that’s all we can
do in uh the movie ant by Dreamworks I
think the queen and her princess
daughter is talking about how they have
to gather all of these seeds for the
Grasshoppers and the queen says this is
our life it’s not a lot but it’s our
life you know like this is this is our
lot in life you know this is just how it
turns out and we’re going to deal with
it there’s nothing else we can do so we
may as well just deal with it so this is
the family yeah this is the family you
got and so may as well make the best of
it and you have a choice to make you can
you can choose to make the best of it
where it is or you can choose to
disappear and be your own zero Circle
somewhere else right or predestination
would that be predetermined
is it predestination or pred
predetermined life if your family was
predetermined by either you or by a god
um before you were born then you’d
better like it because otherwise you’re
dishonoring bigger choices bigger plans
for you that opens up another the other
conversation of how those things come
about and you better like it there’s not
a status of you better like it or else
there’s not an else it’s not required of
anybody that’s the whole Choice idea and
then not that God gave us choice and the
choice but you don’t you don’t have a or
else there’s no one the husband that’s
going to go off to war or go off to
Jordan the military there’s not nor else
that is divorce he’s going to have to
agree to it you’re going to agree to
whenever you do anyway so it’s an
agreement is might as well the same
thing as what you said what did you say
you’ve got to how did you put that just
a second ago well I don’t remember you
were given this family so so deal with
it you might as well maybe it is you
might as well maybe that’s what you said
you might as well deal with it just deal
with it just operate you have to do
something and you’re always going to do
something that’s the automatic if you
choose to do nothing you’re doing
something like doing nothing and it’s it
is a choice whether you are conscious of
it or not not choosing is choos it so
whether we’re put in the family the
family is what it is at any change in
that tier one can be made you can make
changes in the tier one you can kick a
child out you can you can send a child
to foster care or to prison it’s
possible to end life as well all those
choices you can make and you make them
with your eyes open and you’re choosing
what you do with this and circumstances
that are sinship so you’re not stuck
you’re never stuck you can always do
something but there’s always
consequences the or else are
consequences you choose it’s like
picking up one in in the stick you’re
always picking up the consequence and
two so the question then was or still is
can you choose who’s in your tier one
and who’s in your tier two or is that
just a still
classification of tier one is the people
who are in your home and tier two is
your extended family no matter how close
you are to them or not how no matter how
emotionally distant or farther or closer
you know yeah I’m trying to think and we
talked about first responsibility or um
what was the other word expectations
expectations you have expectations of
tier one beyond what you’ll have
expectations of the tier two people and
we always started talking about extended
family and work we we had those two
things the other things in tier two is
anything that that you choose to do
outside of tier
one but let’s say that we were an
economy that could work cottage industry
and you can do everything the agar
Society say that 99% of everything a
farmer did in the 1800s was on this Farm
it it didn’t didn’t do anything else
anywhere else so the kids everyone work
together in a Gran Society the whole
family works on the same Plantation and
they never leave so it’s a 40 acre spot
and you’re doing everything there all
day long every day you know if you do
have to leave to deliver something
somewhere you’re delivering that in the
afternoon get back that night when you
Homestead a place your first job is to
clear the land and get something planted
and then you’re growing that crop and
then you’re sending the crop off but
sending it off or even taking it
somewhere you’re gone for a day or two
and then you’re back maintaining the
household households changed when we
left aing society and industrialization
changed all of that so now you’re a a
fort Cliff operator and you go on the
operative forlift 10 hours spay and so
you’re gone from the house and then you
come back to the house at nights so that
your your tier one Community is still
the family but most of your time where
where it used to operate you were with
the family all the time in your full
work so all of your tier one and tier
two maybe everyone you talked to was
still in that same little group you
might have had one person you sold your
corn to in the fall every year and they
came and picked it up and so you have
one person outside of your immediate
found that you talk to all year long
well and then you have your church
Community too so they’re neighbors
neighbors and Friends okay so church is
another thing in tier two where you
spend time with with friends got your
social environment and now there’s
there’s a lot more time I guess since
industrialization there’s a lot more
time to spend in those other tier two
activities yeah there’s a lot a lot of
automation has paved the way for more
outside of the home time another
question I’m wondering about is could
your responsibility level change
according to the time of day or your
location like you’re primarily
responsible for your own children when
they’re at home but say they go to
school and now you’re not you’re not as
involved in the time that they spend
there and now your their their teacher
is primarily responsible for their care
while they’re at that location but that
6 hours a day and you kind of in your
children’s tier two at that point like
you’re of course you’re you’re the one
that the teacher calls when there’s a
problem but assuming there are no
problems you are completely disconnected
from that you’re not
responsible in that respect in that in
that case the child is going to school
is the school is the school like a
workplace is it a second tier thing I
think that’s okay it’s it’s a given time
so period of time you’re you’re not
responsible when you leave the house to
go to work right running your forklift
you’re not you’re not primarily
responsible for feeding lunch to the
kids at home so you can’t do both of
those things so yeah your
responsibilities change but it didn’t
mean that you’re in another Community it
didn’t change your tier one to the
workplace while you’re at the workplace
that’s kind of what you said there with
this the the child doesn’t create a new
tier one around the teacher in the
classroom they’re the they’re their
zeroth tier but they’re out to work they
you just sent kids that’s the
industrialization sent kids off to work
somewhere else besides the Family Farm
the sl’s just doing stuff around the
house helping out
homeschooling they went off to school
somewhere else and that’s just their job
for the day so I’m still a little bit
confused about whether these tiers are
truly just classification systems based
on your family and and your extended
family and your workplace and your hobes
and your neighborhood and I suppose you
could extend everything out past that
whether it’s it’s just classification or
if there are
emotional levels to it is and
responsibility and expectations like do
those all fit together with this or is
it just like saying this is this because
you were born in that and then this is
this is all like your first tier is your
immediate family because this is where
you live and your second tier is your
extended family in your workplace
because your parents had siblings and
because you have grandparents and
because you have a job and then your
third tier is
the world because you are or your it’s
your neighborhood because you live in
this house because your house happens to
be in that geographic location
subjective we had a conversation a while
ago that everything is subjective I
think everything is there’s no objective
right way to be a a tier one have a tier
one family or to even be have your
zeroth tier completely found it and
attached there there’s no single way to
do that no single way to have a family
around that you call home that you call
your tier one Community I’m serving
first but if you if you select that so
you have to select that and it can be
changed at any time and changed by any
number of circumstances if it’s changed
then you’re dealing with a new change in
that you know someone passes away you
can’t do anything about someone’s dead
they’re dead now they’re not part of
that group anymore so the group does
continue but without that responsibility
in that if you select the tier and
you’re operating within it so that’s
just that’s a subjective thing that’s
what happens in the moment at this
moment you have these number of people
in my home tier one tier two Happ be
work and tier two says you got an
appointment at this time and you’re
you’re required to meet the obligations
for that or you you feel an obligation
to meet the requirements for that
appointment so you do that you you you
arrive at a given time and you say
you’re required to stay here until this
time time and so you stay there during
that time you’re not ignoring your tier
one if you do that unless there is a pro
if there is a problem in tier one that
requires your attention like a an
Emergency then you call tier two i’ say
tier two I’m backing up I’m going to
take your tier one first we’re going to
solve this emergency room and this will
have to be a sick day or if you have to
fire me guess you have to fire me and
I’ll go find another workplace to work
it it’s how you make it operate I think
it’s how expectations um and
responsibilities but it’s all subjective
it depends on how how informed you want
to be about what you’re working on how
informed how um it’s that involved
involved one other thing I have in here
to tier two is Hobbies if you decide
beat your a bowler you’d love to just
bowl or you want to go in a archery hunt
and that re IR Ires you to practice two
hours a day with your bow and arrow and
set up different targets and different
courses you can go through deide to golf
there takes a lot of time to do any
hobby that you decide to to learn and
and develop um if you choose to do that
at the upset of your primary primary
tier responsibilities then I mean you
there’s got to be an agreement for you
to step out so I I think I think that’s
what I think tier two is is you have to
get an agreement from the tier one
family that youve selected identifying
you can change at any time but it’s the
it’s the family of the moment it’s your
tier one of the moment has to agree that
you’re going to step out to tier two to
do these things and even if they don’t
like it necessarily but they say that’s
a choice you can make and we’ll see you
at 5 o’ but you get home yeah so you get
permission and support from your primary
tier so you can get into your secondary
tier activities what else is there
besides permission and support th those
are good thing we talked expectations
are expectations have anything to do
with that that’s what allows permission
yeah there’s the expectation that um you
will return and further fulfill your
primary responsibilities so if there’s a
responsibility I believe there is an
ently responsibility tied with your
primary tier your tier one and and you
agree on those responsibilities uh
whether they’re whether they’re written
down or whether they’re in implied or
inferred or just common knowledge common
knowledge is you to be home every night
this is where we sleep the house you be
created this house to sleep in so you’re
going to sleep in this house and not
next door so there’s expectations common
expectations ations in regard to that
and so if you’re going to be allowed to
allow someone to go out to tier 2 can
you step to tier 2 without being allowed
you put tier one at risk yeah to be
breaking of tier one tier one has to
allow you to step out and if they don’t
want you to if they don’t allow you to
you can choose to break up tier one but
tier to keep tier one solid there’s got
to be an allowance to get to tier two
you can’t just live in tier two all the
time sleeping this person you know couch
surf that doesn’t make a tier one work
tier one doesn’t work if you’re just
floating around go want to walk about
well it works if you have permission
from tier one yeah well like like the
Walkabout idea Australian I I don’t
really know much about it but you they
can be gone for months in the Aboriginal
communities they’ll just they’ll go and
if it’s allowed it’s expected it’s like
going on a mission or go on being
drafted to go to war you know so you’re
going to be off doing this for for a
time and you’re going with the blessing
and support that’s the other word you
use that you want to be allowed to and
supported in it and the bless and
blessed in doing it receive the blessing
of your home and stepping out away from
it away from tier one is there anything
else that you want to achieve before
stepping to tier two allowed supported
blessed by them
I don’t know if there’s anything else
that wouldn’t I mean assuming that they
feel cared for enough then that have to
agree which that’s the allowance that’s
the situation allows for this the
situation is is good so now you can go
and do your tier 2 stuff because I feel
safe and secure and you’ve met your
responsibilities
in regards to tier one so now tier one
says okay I’m full and that’s a that’s a
moment by moment thing tier one can
change anytime as far as its security
and safety I mean anything circumstances
can can change so I’m comfortable enough
right now that you can go to work today
that’s fine but if I start getting
depressed and challenged it I I’m I
don’t know what ends up you can’t go to
work today because I’m a mess and I
can’t be left alone by myself here with
the two kids so you got to stay or find
a new job so things like that occur so
to go out into tier two you’ve got to
you’ve got to have the support and the
approval of the agreement of tier one
that if you do it without that agreement
you just jump out to tier two said just
I’ll tell you where I’ve been when I get
back maybe that’s not uh that’s not an
appropriate responsib ability
appropriate relationship with your tier
one people it’s not that they have to
you know you’re not get a check of box
or have to clock out or clock back in
not necessarily asking you to do that
but just asking you to communicate well
enough that you’re going to see if you
like golf okay go ahead yeah your buddy
calls me me want to go and try golf
hopefully you don’t like it but if you
do like it we’ll talk about that all
right
but three things that you need to do to
get out of tier one permission agreement
support a
blessing they have to agree in full
agreement that that’s what you’re need
to do that that’s your Cher two
responsibility
and I I’m okay we’re okay stay here or
if everyone leaves it’s your one that
you don’t you don’t have to leave anyone
there at the house everyone think well
it’s m full and some people can go to
work and the dogs can go and uh roll the
neighborhood you just they’re do what
they do and then to get back together at
some point but they Jud of in agreement
so it is subjective and it’s based on
the moment that’s what I
think all right well we’ll leave it at
that we see what that happens because we
barely got into tier two then we can
talk about what what’s in tier two how
to appropriately operate with them in
relation to that and tier one and then
uh what possibly tier three could mean
okay well thanks for the talk see you
later bye okay bye
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