In which we really try to figure out why we feel resentment, what it does to us, and what to do about it.
Recorded December 01, 2025.
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Show notes and links:
Transcript:
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[Clip] Alexander Solzhenitsyn, in his Gulag Archipelago,
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has this statement. And he says this is kind
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of important with the way to think about Cain
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and Abel’s story and how it relates to our lives.
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The line separating good and evil passes not
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through states, nor between classes, nor between
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political parties either, but right through every
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human heart and through all human hearts. This
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line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the
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years. And even within hearts, overwhelmed by
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evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.
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So he’s saying that dichotomy of good and evil
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is inherent in the DNA of all of us, in the hearts,
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right through the hearts of man. [Warm-up] Why do people
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fill up their calendars with stuff they don’t
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actually like to do? What is the deal with that?
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Calendars get filled up by other people as opposed
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to what they do. Yeah, so you’ve got a week that
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you’ve designed this time. Yeah, well, it’s open
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for my design as the urge hits me. Right. My
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calendar this week is kind of open that way too.
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I don’t have any required appointments, but I’ve
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got a lot of things that need to be done. That’s
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how it goes. Some of that doesn’t include baking.
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You’re not going to bake any cookies this week.
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Yeah, that’s not my goal. Not my goal. Okay.
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Boring. Just kidding. Boring. We have the chance,
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the possibility of being, if your schedule is
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overrun by other people, how could you feel about
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that? I want to introduce this topic maybe with
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that type, that idea. If there’s too many people,
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then you get overwhelmed. If you have too many
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things to do that are coming to you from outside,
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your work requires this, your family requires
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this, your dad requires this, your kids require
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this. Overwhelm happens. Does it just happen?
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Is it one of those things that happens to you
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or is it a creation of your thoughts about the
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circumstances? Yeah, so that’s what we’ll explore
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here. [Main conversation] Should it be? Should we get overwhelmed?
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Are we designed to be overwhelmed, upset by what
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other people do? Or are we designed to accept
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what other people do? What would be the design
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of the human genome? What’s in our DNA? Is it
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in our DNA to get along with people or to be
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at odds with them? Right. I mean, of course,
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it’s to get along with other people and not to
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be at odds because our survival depends on us
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getting along with other people, I think. I mean,
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of course, of course, I think that. Because,
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I mean, if you’re… If you’re not getting along
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with anyone, then, I mean, thousands of years
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ago when people needed to rely on their community
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to stay alive, you couldn’t be in a community
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if you couldn’t get along with them. Yeah, I
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think survival of the fittest and survival in
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a basic sense means we should try to get along
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with people, with others that are in our environment,
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as opposed to trying to be combative with them.
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So realizing that they also… are in that same
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mode, if we realize that all people are built
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the same way and we’re built to get along, we’ve
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got to assume, we should assume, that the other
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person is also of that same mentality of trying
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to get along as opposed to trying to hurt you.
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Yeah. Now, I know we’re not talking about being
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overwhelmed, but I am going to talk a little
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bit more about that one. Okay. The advice these
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days… is to recognize the things that overwhelm
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you and then adjust your schedule or your environment
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based on that. Like say, this kind of situation
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overwhelms me, so I’m just not going to participate
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in that event anymore because I get overwhelmed
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when I’m in that circumstance. Like this, when
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I’m there, I’m overwhelmed, so I can’t be there
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anymore. Too many people or the wrong type of
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attitude. Right. Or it could be, I’m not going
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to sign myself up to take care of my parents’
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seven dogs because that overwhelms me and I can’t
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handle it. So I’m never going to offer or say,
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okay, yeah, I’ll do that. If anybody asks me,
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I’m not going to take care of a lot of pets for
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someone. Or I’m not going to, I’m not saying
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that’s true for me. I’m just saying this hypothetical
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person that gets overwhelmed at something. If
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you knew anyone that had seven dogs, right. Right.
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So that’s one solution. Solution in air quotes
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that’s being handed out these days is recognize
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when something triggers you and avoid that thing.
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Avoid that trigger. That’s setting up boundaries.
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Identify your boundary. And that’s an appropriate
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way to set up boundaries is take yourself out
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of that picture. Yeah. Agree not to participate.
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And that’s an appropriate boundary is saying
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I’m just not going to participate because I get
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overwhelmed. I know I’m going to get triggered.
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So I’m not going to even go. Right. That’s an
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appropriate boundary. The inappropriate boundary,
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which I think is talked about way too often,
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is you guys have to get rid of your dogs. Right.
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Or you guys have to just be kinder because I’m
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going to be here. So don’t say those words. Yeah.
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Or I’m coming to this party. You make sure that
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person I don’t like isn’t going to be there.
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Yeah. Or you can’t talk about politics or family.
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What I saw a video just recently. A mother complaining
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because her daughter said, don’t talk about my
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pregnancy. Don’t indicate whether it’s a boy
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or a girl. I don’t Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t
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want to talk about my pregnancy at all. So don’t
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even bring it up. So why do families get together
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if not the ability to ask questions like that?
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Right. Yeah. So that’s that’s one one solution
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that I’m seeing a lot these days. And maybe I’m
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only seeing it because I’m at the right stage
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in my life to see this. Maybe it’s been. a solution
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all along. And I’m just now seeing it because
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that’s what I can see where I’m at, you know?
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And do you think that’s the right solution? So
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I want to ask, is it an appropriate solution
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or are there faults with it? Well, I think it’s
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not the most ideal solution. Like coming from
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where I sit, I think there’s a better solution.
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I think the better solution is do the work on
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yourself to fix whether you even get overwhelmed
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at anything or not. I think the most accurate
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thing to do is just work through being okay in
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any situation, no matter where you’re at, and
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move yourself to a better place because of that,
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like that work that you’ve been doing, you know?
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Right. And we talked about that drama triangle.
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So you take yourself off the drama triangle where
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you’re triggered and challenged and you’re a
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victim. to the creator triangle where you’re
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the creator. You’re creating your own world with
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what circumstances show up. Yeah. So you can
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hang out with any number of dogs and you’ve already
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figured out how to not get overwhelmed when there
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are seven dogs running around you. So you’re
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fine. And when they all start singing, you just
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enjoy the music for a minute. Because once one
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of them starts singing, they’ll all join in.
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They all want to sing. Yeah. And it’s fun. And
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if that annoys you, then you have a hard day.
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If you can say, I’m just going to enjoy this
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song, it’ll end in a few minutes because they
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get tired of singing. Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes
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they go on all day singing. Well, it is the Christmas
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season. You can’t help but sing. Yeah, that’s
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right. They’re joyful. They’ve got so much joy.
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I was going to first complain that you said the
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better way. I just acknowledge there’s not necessarily
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a better way for everything to happen. Yeah.
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There’s better ways to treat it and everyone
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will find their own best way for the moment.
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Okay. What we’ve talked about before, you can’t
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prescribe that there’s one answer for everybody
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or for every situation. You’re right. You’re
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right. And I thought that I had… had uh circumvented
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that complaint by saying from where i sit this
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is what i think but you know that’s the one the
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one better way for me i think there’s no other
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better way it’s better than it’s better than
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just not going anywhere in my opinion right for
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sure and i you know the general a generalization
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of that it’s whatever circumstance you find there’s
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yourself in therewith to be content Be content
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with wherever you are, whatever you’re able to
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go to. Is that a quote? That’s a Paul from the
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Philippians. Paul’s statement. He was in prison
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most of his life and he just said, I’ve been
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with kings and I’ve been poor and I’ve been in
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prison, but whatever situation I find myself,
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I’m content. So be content with where you are.
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So that’s kind of the attitude that you’re proposing
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to take and it may be the right attitude for
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a lot of people. Okay. What other solutions?
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Do you know of that are not boundaries and being
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content? Compromise. So you go into a debate,
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a discussion, an argument. You present your argument.
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You try to persuade or you try to coerce. Coercion
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is never a good thing. Saying I’m the most important
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person in the room, so you guys are going to
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kowtow to me. If I’m going to be there, you guys
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are going to act this way. And if you don’t act
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this way. And then, of course, the worst case,
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if you happen to be ICE on the streets doing
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your jobs, you deserve to be eliminated because
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you’re offending me so much by taking out these
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people in my community. I think you should be
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killed. That’s not an appropriate reaction. I
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mean, some people will do that. Are people killing
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ICE agents? Well, the two that were killed weren’t
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ICE agents, but they were. One passed away. I
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don’t know if the other ones passed away. The
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D .C. National Guard recently. Oh, I see. The
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fellow that is held for that crime. So it’s a
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crime. If you decide to take someone out, if
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you decide to take it to the next step and say,
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you haven’t done what I’ve told you to do, and
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now you’re still against me, so I’m against you.
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And so it begins a war. And a war is not a good
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thing. It’s not a valid option. So why do they
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exist? But that’s not what we’re talking about
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either. That’s a broader picture. What happens
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when you get discontented with someone around
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you, get overwhelmed? The thing I wanted to talk
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about and why I’m trying to come around this,
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you can have animosity toward them or contempt
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was another word. You hate them, hatred, disdain.
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You just don’t like somebody. All of those seem
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to be past tense. I disdain this. What’s the
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active word though? And I had it. Resentment.
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I resent that. Resentment is the active move
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of all of those things. So you can hate someone,
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and that’s a hatred that is based in the past.
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I guess you can base it here, but if you base
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hatred currently, it’s a resentment. I resent
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that action. I hate that action. So resentment.
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And what can we do to control that or to work
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with it? Is it valid? Talk about whether it’s
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valid first. Whether resentment is valid. It
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is a feeling that people feel. Aren’t all feelings
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valid? Is that what we want? It’s a circumstance.
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It’s a reality, right? You’re talking about valid
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being it is there. Yeah. Resentment comes up.
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It is there. It’s something. Well, and I don’t
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know if resentment’s the thing. What is actually
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there? You felt offense. What did you feel when
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you… Demonstrate resentment. You felt that
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you’ve been offended somehow or you’ve been overwhelmed
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somehow. So then you resent that you felt overwhelmed.
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You resent. Resentment is usually directed towards
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someone else. So you don’t resent that you felt
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overwhelmed. You resent that somebody else made
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you feel overwhelmed. Well, it’s some action.
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It could be your own action. You could resent
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that I always use the word always. I could resent
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that. And resent yourself. And I don’t want to
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use those words. Yeah, you can resent yourself.
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I mean, it’s difficult to imagine someone resenting
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themselves because people don’t… Well, no,
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I think they do all the time. Really? It depends
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on the situation. Sin. Sin in the person. They’re
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going to resent the sin that they continue to
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do. I see. Another Paul quote, Oh, wretched man
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that I am. Those things that I would not, I do.
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What I would, I do not. And he had that little
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soliloquy in the New Testament also. I don’t
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know that he phrased that as a resentment, but
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that is kind of a resentment. What I wish I would
00:13:50.210 –> 00:13:52.690
do, I don’t do. And you’re resenting yourself
00:13:52.690 –> 00:13:54.809
for that. You can resent yourself for that. And
00:13:54.809 –> 00:13:56.669
there’s probably a lot of people who do resent
00:13:56.669 –> 00:13:59.309
themselves for not stepping up and being the
00:13:59.309 –> 00:14:02.509
person they want to be. Yeah. Instead of just
00:14:02.509 –> 00:14:04.570
stepping up and being that person, taking the
00:14:04.570 –> 00:14:10.470
risk. Yeah. Okay. I see that. So it is against
00:14:10.470 –> 00:14:14.169
somebody. Could be yourself, could be everybody
00:14:14.169 –> 00:14:18.070
else. Usually it is that I resent you for this.
00:14:18.250 –> 00:14:20.190
And whether you tell them or not, that’s what
00:14:20.190 –> 00:14:23.330
causes you to set up a boundary. I’m resenting
00:14:23.330 –> 00:14:26.110
what you represent, so I’m going to set up a
00:14:26.110 –> 00:14:29.769
boundary. That now becomes my new world, is without
00:14:29.769 –> 00:14:33.809
you in it. Yeah. You just said represent, and
00:14:33.809 –> 00:14:36.860
that’s resent with rep. before it. Are those
00:14:36.860 –> 00:14:41.259
two words related at all? Represent. Repair.
00:14:41.740 –> 00:14:46.440
Repair a resentment to repair a resent. Etymology
00:14:46.440 –> 00:14:48.919
of all that stuff. Sent. Sent is something that
00:14:48.919 –> 00:14:52.480
you give out. It’s what you’re giving, right?
00:14:52.559 –> 00:14:55.259
You sent something out. So it comes out of you.
00:14:55.320 –> 00:14:57.820
It’s something that you’re alluding to the world.
00:14:58.120 –> 00:15:02.039
You’re sending. So sent. Sent is something you
00:15:02.039 –> 00:15:04.919
sent out. Resent. You’re doing it again and again.
00:15:05.360 –> 00:15:08.559
So I’m looking at resent by being wallowing and
00:15:08.559 –> 00:15:11.620
thinking over again and again something. Okay.
00:15:12.019 –> 00:15:19.279
And then represent. Represent. Present. Re -present.
00:15:19.539 –> 00:15:23.240
Present. Present is the resent word. Resent.
00:15:23.399 –> 00:15:25.519
If you put a P in front of it, you’re present.
00:15:25.799 –> 00:15:28.700
Re -present. You either present something or
00:15:28.700 –> 00:15:31.179
you’re present in it. So I think maybe present
00:15:31.179 –> 00:15:34.679
is the solution to resentment. Just be present.
00:15:36.109 –> 00:15:40.669
Yeah, maybe they’re not actually related at all
00:15:40.669 –> 00:15:43.490
because it’s… Well, but that’s the fun of language.
00:15:43.570 –> 00:15:48.629
We can relate them. We can make it work. To re
00:15:48.629 –> 00:15:53.250
-present something is to continually do it again
00:15:53.250 –> 00:15:56.389
and again. So you’re wallowing in the re -presentation
00:15:56.389 –> 00:15:59.809
instead of the resentment. Re -resentment is
00:15:59.809 –> 00:16:03.620
a… It’s not a double negative. It is a… It’s
00:16:03.620 –> 00:16:06.840
a redundant phrase, re -resentment. Re -resent.
00:16:07.080 –> 00:16:11.159
Instead of represent, re -present. The dictionary
00:16:11.159 –> 00:16:15.580
is showing etymology for represent is re -present,
00:16:15.700 –> 00:16:23.340
but resent has a different etymology. It’s not
00:16:23.340 –> 00:16:24.379
related to present. It doesn’t come from the
00:16:24.379 –> 00:16:26.940
same base, so it has nothing to do with sent.
00:16:27.139 –> 00:16:31.559
But it probably is how you are in front of the
00:16:31.559 –> 00:16:34.500
world. That’s what I kind of think scent means.
00:16:34.700 –> 00:16:38.679
It’s how you allude into the world. Yeah. Let
00:16:38.679 –> 00:16:43.279
me just tell you what is showing. Oxford Languages
00:16:43.279 –> 00:16:49.000
is showing resent comes from French re and sentir,
00:16:49.220 –> 00:16:54.120
which is feel. Sentir means feel. Okay. So you’re
00:16:54.120 –> 00:16:59.139
re -feeling. It is an internal thing. It’s not
00:16:59.139 –> 00:17:02.639
sending out. And maybe that word elude that I
00:17:02.639 –> 00:17:05.640
used is kind of, it’s what radiates from you.
00:17:05.920 –> 00:17:08.180
Yeah. Because it’s what you are. It’s what you’re
00:17:08.180 –> 00:17:10.640
feeling. You’re feeling resentment. Yeah. You
00:17:10.640 –> 00:17:12.859
don’t necessarily have to give it. You feel it.
00:17:12.980 –> 00:17:17.420
So it’s a feeling. What was re? Re is expressing
00:17:17.420 –> 00:17:21.180
intensive force in French. If you add that there,
00:17:21.259 –> 00:17:25.579
it intensifies. Okay. Intensifies your feeling.
00:17:25.859 –> 00:17:29.660
Yeah. The feeling, the sentir. So if you have
00:17:29.660 –> 00:17:34.359
a… specific feeling and resentment is that
00:17:34.359 –> 00:17:36.519
that’s not necessarily sincere doesn’t necessarily
00:17:36.519 –> 00:17:40.839
mean negative no yeah this says it was in the
00:17:40.839 –> 00:17:45.420
earliest in the earliest life of this word it
00:17:45.420 –> 00:17:49.619
meant to feel deeply but then it evolved to to
00:17:49.619 –> 00:17:54.539
feeling aggrieved by so okay so it had passion
00:17:54.539 –> 00:17:57.950
in it in the first case But passion then separated
00:17:57.950 –> 00:18:00.069
and resentment is the other side. So you have
00:18:00.069 –> 00:18:03.509
passion. Resentment is deep feelings. Where I
00:18:03.509 –> 00:18:07.690
picked this up was from Jordan Peterson’s book,
00:18:07.869 –> 00:18:12.609
We Who Wrestle With God. So he had a little statement
00:18:12.609 –> 00:18:15.349
there. Let me just kind of try to build this
00:18:15.349 –> 00:18:18.329
a little bit. In his chapter about Cain and Abel
00:18:18.329 –> 00:18:21.809
and Cain and Abel being the, and he’s saying
00:18:21.809 –> 00:18:26.289
it’s the archetypical story about humans. The
00:18:26.289 –> 00:18:29.430
being the first human beings, that battle between
00:18:29.430 –> 00:18:32.890
them, the good and the evil, is the fact that
00:18:32.890 –> 00:18:36.549
it’s the same. It happens to everybody. And I’ll
00:18:36.549 –> 00:18:39.130
find where that word first came up. First, he
00:18:39.130 –> 00:18:42.930
talks, Alexander Solzhenitsyn, in his Gulag Archipelago,
00:18:42.930 –> 00:18:46.289
has this statement. And he says, this is kind
00:18:46.289 –> 00:18:49.839
of important with the way to think about… Cain
00:18:49.839 –> 00:18:52.200
and Abel story in how it relates to our lives.
00:18:52.359 –> 00:18:55.059
The line separating good and evil passes not
00:18:55.059 –> 00:18:58.380
through states, nor between classes, nor between
00:18:58.380 –> 00:19:01.420
political parties either, but right through every
00:19:01.420 –> 00:19:04.900
human heart and through all human hearts. This
00:19:04.900 –> 00:19:08.240
line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the
00:19:08.240 –> 00:19:11.880
years. And even within hearts, overwhelmed by
00:19:11.880 –> 00:19:15.319
evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained.
00:19:15.559 –> 00:19:19.289
So he’s saying that. dichotomy of good and evil
00:19:19.289 –> 00:19:24.769
is inherent and in the dna of all of us in the
00:19:24.769 –> 00:19:28.170
hearts right through the hearts of man okay so
00:19:28.170 –> 00:19:32.289
that story and that’s what jordan peterson proposites
00:19:32.289 –> 00:19:34.569
is the purpose of that story is to help us see
00:19:34.569 –> 00:19:38.529
that we’ve got this this battle that that our
00:19:38.529 –> 00:19:41.630
choices are what allows us to either resent or
00:19:41.630 –> 00:19:46.490
have passion for that it’s all within us is that
00:19:46.920 –> 00:19:51.279
just resent or have passion for ourselves or
00:19:51.279 –> 00:19:54.619
do our choices determine whether we resent someone
00:19:54.619 –> 00:19:57.880
else? Well, I think it’s the same thing. We can
00:19:57.880 –> 00:19:59.720
identify with it. I think that’s the biggest
00:19:59.720 –> 00:20:03.920
plot there is you should be able to identify
00:20:03.920 –> 00:20:07.859
with everyone. You can identify it because it’s
00:20:07.859 –> 00:20:10.700
within you just as easy as it’s out there. That’s
00:20:10.700 –> 00:20:15.200
the way I’m taking that phrase. Okay. It’s the
00:20:15.200 –> 00:20:19.180
ability to accept it as a fact. He’s evil. He’s
00:20:19.180 –> 00:20:26.000
not evil just because he is. But you have the
00:20:26.000 –> 00:20:29.059
chance to identify how he could feel that way.
00:20:29.220 –> 00:20:33.660
In the battle of Cain and Abel, Abel was given
00:20:33.660 –> 00:20:36.700
a gift and Cain was given a gift. And I’m not
00:20:36.700 –> 00:20:38.880
really sure the whole thing. It’s a short story.
00:20:39.079 –> 00:20:43.410
It doesn’t really say very much. six verses or
00:20:43.410 –> 00:20:46.049
something that’s the whole story. But it’s composite
00:20:46.049 –> 00:20:50.130
of all of this animosity that can occur, all
00:20:50.130 –> 00:20:52.549
of this resentment that can occur. Jordan goes
00:20:52.549 –> 00:20:55.450
into a statement of, you know, like the Lion
00:20:55.450 –> 00:20:58.569
King and Aladdin and Gru and Despicable Me, these
00:20:58.569 –> 00:21:02.869
villains that come up. Scar against Mufasa and
00:21:02.869 –> 00:21:06.089
Simba in The Lion King and how Scar is just…
00:21:06.380 –> 00:21:09.480
trying to take over, take power, redress a wrong.
00:21:09.579 –> 00:21:12.059
He was wrongfully kicked out because his brother
00:21:12.059 –> 00:21:15.599
took over. And so he goes and kills his brother
00:21:15.599 –> 00:21:18.000
because that’s the natural response. That’s what
00:21:18.000 –> 00:21:19.680
you should do. Kill your brother if he’s over
00:21:19.680 –> 00:21:23.519
you. So these stories, they all tell the same
00:21:23.519 –> 00:21:26.319
thing. And he says, the intellectually arrogant,
00:21:26.579 –> 00:21:29.640
and that’s how he’s identifying this scar type
00:21:29.640 –> 00:21:34.799
person that grew the Jafar in Aladdin. The intellectually
00:21:34.799 –> 00:21:38.299
arrogant and presumptuous also have a pronounced
00:21:38.299 –> 00:21:41.819
tendency to turn technological solutions solely
00:21:41.819 –> 00:21:44.700
to redress the apparent inequities of being.
00:21:44.900 –> 00:21:50.839
Life is not safe. He said it a little bit later
00:21:50.839 –> 00:21:54.339
too. Obvious disparities. Those who have this
00:21:54.339 –> 00:21:57.670
feeling first note with gleeful dismay. And that’s
00:21:57.670 –> 00:21:59.930
what I think resentment is. I’ve got gleeful
00:21:59.930 –> 00:22:03.190
dismay over it. I’m deeply feeling that I’m dismayed
00:22:03.190 –> 00:22:06.890
over this and I’m going to feel that. With deep
00:22:06.890 –> 00:22:09.750
dismay, the obvious disparities that exist in
00:22:09.750 –> 00:22:13.009
the world. So disparities are obvious. And he
00:22:13.009 –> 00:22:17.250
said parenthetically now, this feat of obvious
00:22:17.250 –> 00:22:19.910
disparities, identifying that, a feat no different
00:22:19.910 –> 00:22:22.329
than observing the qualitative differences between
00:22:22.329 –> 00:22:25.880
things that most truly make up the world. There
00:22:25.880 –> 00:22:28.500
are qualitative differences between things. It
00:22:28.500 –> 00:22:30.859
just happens. That’s what the world is made of.
00:22:31.059 –> 00:22:35.240
So he’s saying if you’re putting your gleeful
00:22:35.240 –> 00:22:38.460
dismay on these obvious disparities, kind of
00:22:38.460 –> 00:22:41.200
resenting it, and you’re attempting to redress
00:22:41.200 –> 00:22:44.140
the apparent inequities of being. So if you want
00:22:44.140 –> 00:22:48.920
to redress it, a redress of grievance is a resentment,
00:22:49.039 –> 00:22:54.009
and it has to be fixed. Yeah, redress of… grievances,
00:22:54.009 –> 00:22:57.950
revisiting what upset you over and over and over
00:22:57.950 –> 00:23:01.190
again? Yeah. So that’s the same as resentment.
00:23:01.890 –> 00:23:03.990
Resentment, redress are really the same thing.
00:23:04.309 –> 00:23:09.250
He has this next sentence. Then who resentfully
00:23:09.250 –> 00:23:12.809
dwell upon the facts of such distinctions, those
00:23:12.809 –> 00:23:15.450
of sex, race, class, ethnicity, gender, attractiveness,
00:23:15.569 –> 00:23:18.049
even age, weight, and height, and point an accusing
00:23:18.049 –> 00:23:21.130
finger at those who unequally benefit from their
00:23:21.130 –> 00:23:24.150
positioning. at a desirable end of the resultant
00:23:24.150 –> 00:23:28.630
distribution. So the resentfully dwell upon is
00:23:28.630 –> 00:23:32.210
the resentment. That’s what it really, it’s the
00:23:32.210 –> 00:23:34.089
dwelling upon. It’s the redress of it. It’s the
00:23:34.089 –> 00:23:38.569
keeping it going, saying, I’ve been hurt, harmed
00:23:38.569 –> 00:23:42.650
here. And I can’t let it go. Right. And that’s
00:23:42.650 –> 00:23:44.769
the only reason that you’ve been harmed is because
00:23:44.769 –> 00:23:47.509
you’re saying you’ve been harmed. I’m thinking
00:23:47.509 –> 00:23:49.730
that these differences that happen, differences
00:23:49.730 –> 00:23:51.549
in quality, and that’s what he’s trying to describe.
00:23:52.000 –> 00:23:56.839
Here in this section, differences in status exist.
00:23:57.599 –> 00:24:02.440
Life is full of disparities. So because of that,
00:24:02.579 –> 00:24:06.079
you’re either angry, angered because of it, and
00:24:06.079 –> 00:24:11.259
resentful, and requiring reparations, repairing
00:24:11.259 –> 00:24:16.359
for what someone else has over you. You’re identifying
00:24:16.359 –> 00:24:19.279
it. It’s the victim victimization. How did he
00:24:19.279 –> 00:24:21.309
put it? I didn’t read that. This constitutes
00:24:21.309 –> 00:24:23.690
a pattern for the victim -victimizer narrative
00:24:23.690 –> 00:24:26.950
that plays a key role in the ideologies of resentment.
00:24:27.329 –> 00:24:29.309
So you have to identify yourself as a victim
00:24:29.309 –> 00:24:33.710
in order to resent. And we’ve talked about that
00:24:33.710 –> 00:24:36.990
in the past. Is it good to play a victim or to
00:24:36.990 –> 00:24:40.769
be a victim? Is it possible to step away from
00:24:40.769 –> 00:24:43.630
the victim role? I mean, did we end up with a
00:24:43.630 –> 00:24:48.150
conclusion on the topic of victim? On the drama
00:24:48.150 –> 00:24:52.579
triangle idea? Yeah. Yeah. I think there is a
00:24:52.579 –> 00:24:56.819
valid way to break that triangle. Yeah. And it’s
00:24:56.819 –> 00:25:02.019
apparent that victimhood isn’t something that’s
00:25:02.019 –> 00:25:06.039
placed on you. I mean, are you factually, in
00:25:06.039 –> 00:25:08.880
any circumstance, can you be identified as the
00:25:08.880 –> 00:25:11.220
victim, whether you feel like the victim or not?
00:25:11.640 –> 00:25:14.140
The story can create a victim. Let’s say in a
00:25:14.140 –> 00:25:16.940
story you create a victim. Is that victim always
00:25:16.940 –> 00:25:20.099
a victim and only a victim? Or are they ever
00:25:20.099 –> 00:25:22.619
a hero? I think usually in stories, the victim
00:25:22.619 –> 00:25:25.240
becomes the hero. That’s what makes a story a
00:25:25.240 –> 00:25:27.839
good story. What stories do we know that there
00:25:27.839 –> 00:25:31.019
are victims? And they always stay victims or
00:25:31.019 –> 00:25:34.420
they become the hero? Any of those stories, Aladdin
00:25:34.420 –> 00:25:37.819
and Lion King and Despicable Me. I mean, the
00:25:37.819 –> 00:25:40.440
Minions do win in the end, don’t they? I don’t
00:25:40.440 –> 00:25:43.339
know. I don’t know that one. The Minions weren’t
00:25:43.339 –> 00:25:45.109
the… Yeah, the minions weren’t the victim.
00:25:45.210 –> 00:25:48.069
You’ve got that story wrong. You’ve got to watch
00:25:48.069 –> 00:25:49.710
that movie. Okay, good. I don’t know that show.
00:25:50.190 –> 00:25:53.309
But Simba did come back. He was encouraged. The
00:25:53.309 –> 00:25:57.109
victim in this. Clearly the victim, Simba. Yeah.
00:25:57.250 –> 00:25:58.910
He went away for a while and he came back king.
00:25:59.630 –> 00:26:04.609
Aladdin clearly learned how to beat Jafar. And
00:26:04.609 –> 00:26:06.630
then is Jafar the victim? Is Scar the victim
00:26:06.630 –> 00:26:09.650
in that case? No, I think Scar was welcomed into
00:26:09.650 –> 00:26:13.250
the family. We don’t have the Lion King 2. Maybe
00:26:13.250 –> 00:26:16.750
they do. Maybe they wrote that. What did Scar
00:26:16.750 –> 00:26:19.990
do in the next version? It’s been long enough
00:26:19.990 –> 00:26:21.769
that I don’t remember what happened in Lion King
00:26:21.769 –> 00:26:28.190
He wasn’t killed. And the victim who turns
00:26:28.190 –> 00:26:33.309
Victor, who turns a hero, doesn’t kill the agitator.
00:26:33.450 –> 00:26:37.529
Kill that one who had animosity and resentment.
00:26:37.890 –> 00:26:43.339
Well, the last we see of Scar in… The first
00:26:43.339 –> 00:26:48.059
Lion King is. The hyenas. Yeah, he’s fallen to
00:26:48.059 –> 00:26:52.660
the hyenas. And the hyenas, it’s implied that
00:26:52.660 –> 00:26:55.559
the hyenas eat him. Yeah, that’s right. Yeah,
00:26:55.619 –> 00:26:58.039
that’s in the shadow. I see that in the movie.
00:26:58.160 –> 00:27:01.940
I don’t know what the book said, but. Yeah. At
00:27:01.940 –> 00:27:04.279
least they beat him up. Give him another scar.
00:27:06.500 –> 00:27:11.259
They tear him a new one. Yeah, now he’s two scar.
00:27:11.849 –> 00:27:15.430
when he comes back. I think a victim doesn’t
00:27:15.430 –> 00:27:19.089
have to stay a victim. You can’t be given that
00:27:19.089 –> 00:27:21.490
role and have to accept it. You’re not forced
00:27:21.490 –> 00:27:25.470
to accept it. And that may be the general DNA
00:27:25.470 –> 00:27:30.009
and objective of being human, is that you’re
00:27:30.009 –> 00:27:32.710
not a victim. You can choose that victimhood
00:27:32.710 –> 00:27:35.720
in everything. You can always choose it. Because
00:27:35.720 –> 00:27:37.799
there’s always some difference that you can point
00:27:37.799 –> 00:27:39.740
to that’s different than you. And that difference
00:27:39.740 –> 00:27:42.279
means I’m a victim of that difference. But if
00:27:42.279 –> 00:27:45.059
you just generally agree, the difference is the
00:27:45.059 –> 00:27:47.980
difference. That’s it. Just the difference. I’m
00:27:47.980 –> 00:27:51.220
not the victim of it. Yeah. I can create with
00:27:51.220 –> 00:27:53.240
it. So you change from victim to creator. That’s
00:27:53.240 –> 00:27:56.220
the answer to the drama triangle. The victim
00:27:56.220 –> 00:27:59.339
status is make it a creator and make yourself
00:27:59.339 –> 00:28:02.960
a coach. Or what was the other one? Not a rescuer.
00:28:03.359 –> 00:28:06.460
I forgot what the other word is. So you rescue,
00:28:06.819 –> 00:28:09.799
or whatever, however that is. You can look back
00:28:09.799 –> 00:28:13.019
and find out what that is. Yeah, in this drama
00:28:13.019 –> 00:28:17.019
triangle. But becoming a creator is the thing
00:28:17.019 –> 00:28:19.099
you want to do. You want to coach someone and
00:28:19.099 –> 00:28:21.720
become a creator to assist them, to help persuade
00:28:21.720 –> 00:28:24.420
them to break out of that victim status. You
00:28:24.420 –> 00:28:26.759
definitely don’t need to stay there. You don’t
00:28:26.759 –> 00:28:29.160
need to be rescued from a victim status. You
00:28:29.160 –> 00:28:31.619
need to be persuaded to create something out
00:28:31.619 –> 00:28:36.890
of it. Okay, so the… Status of being a victim
00:28:36.890 –> 00:28:42.869
is a choice, as we’ve determined, and the holding
00:28:42.869 –> 00:28:46.549
of resentment is a choice. It’s an unconscious
00:28:46.549 –> 00:28:50.630
choice for some, for most people. Like, can anybody
00:28:50.630 –> 00:28:54.289
consciously say, I am going to resent you because
00:28:54.289 –> 00:28:58.589
I like that, I want that feeling, and so I’m
00:28:58.589 –> 00:29:02.569
going to choose to resent this situation myself,
00:29:02.950 –> 00:29:06.680
you. like anything that you can resent, I’m going
00:29:06.680 –> 00:29:09.700
to pick that path. And why would someone pick
00:29:09.700 –> 00:29:13.880
that path? Well, in societies, we have things
00:29:13.880 –> 00:29:15.380
like that. I’m trying to think of something that
00:29:15.380 –> 00:29:17.619
I could easily say, I’m just going to resent
00:29:17.619 –> 00:29:20.700
you. Ponytails or the fact that you don’t have
00:29:20.700 –> 00:29:25.019
your thing on your head covering your hair. If
00:29:25.019 –> 00:29:29.140
you’re Iranian or if you’re Muslim or Sharia
00:29:29.140 –> 00:29:32.869
law. Yeah. You’re going to resent people who
00:29:32.869 –> 00:29:36.630
don’t cover their hair. Okay. That’s a sin. That’s
00:29:36.630 –> 00:29:39.049
identified as a sin to not cover your hair or
00:29:39.049 –> 00:29:41.730
whatever it is that you do that’s sinning here.
00:29:42.130 –> 00:29:46.410
I could easily say, if you drink hairspray, I’m
00:29:46.410 –> 00:29:48.890
going to resent you. Because I know you drink
00:29:48.890 –> 00:29:52.150
hairspray. Being liquor. Being liquor, being
00:29:52.150 –> 00:29:54.910
alcohol. That thing that smells exactly like
00:29:54.910 –> 00:29:57.950
hairspray. So if you drink that, I’m going to
00:29:57.950 –> 00:29:59.970
resent you. That’s just what I’m going to do.
00:30:00.299 –> 00:30:02.279
I’m going to resent you for that. And there’s
00:30:02.279 –> 00:30:05.619
no way you can break it, my resentment. You can’t
00:30:05.619 –> 00:30:07.400
break my resentment if I choose to resent you.
00:30:07.480 –> 00:30:11.720
Can you? I don’t think any person can do anything
00:30:11.720 –> 00:30:15.079
to break the resentment of another person. Yeah.
00:30:15.500 –> 00:30:17.700
And the only thing, because I’m choosing the
00:30:17.700 –> 00:30:20.900
victim status. I mean, the fact that there’s
00:30:20.900 –> 00:30:23.720
someone drinking hairspray in my presence, I
00:30:23.720 –> 00:30:27.240
can resent them, but that’s my choice. It’s not
00:30:27.240 –> 00:30:29.660
their choice. They can either drink it or not.
00:30:30.299 –> 00:30:32.799
But if they don’t drink it, they could potentially
00:30:32.799 –> 00:30:36.279
resent me for not being able to drink their hairspray
00:30:36.279 –> 00:30:40.619
at that minute. Yeah. You’re no fun. Why would
00:30:40.619 –> 00:30:43.460
you not want to drink this? Or they could set
00:30:43.460 –> 00:30:45.220
up the boundary. They could say, there’s a boundary
00:30:45.220 –> 00:30:47.700
now. You can’t come to our game. You’re not going
00:30:47.700 –> 00:30:49.279
to be playing the game with us tonight because
00:30:49.279 –> 00:30:54.700
you resent us for drinking hairspray. It can
00:30:54.700 –> 00:30:56.420
battle back and forth, but it’s a choice on both
00:30:56.420 –> 00:30:58.900
people’s part. The person that’s drinking airspray
00:30:58.900 –> 00:31:01.299
could say, I’m just going to drink it. Okay,
00:31:01.380 –> 00:31:04.880
I’m good. Resent me. Fine with me. Don’t bother
00:31:04.880 –> 00:31:08.160
me none. So that’s the attitude you take when
00:31:08.160 –> 00:31:09.680
you’re a creator. You’re creating something new
00:31:09.680 –> 00:31:12.740
out of it as opposed to the victim and agreeing
00:31:12.740 –> 00:31:16.099
to resent something. You have to agree to resent
00:31:16.099 –> 00:31:19.839
something. Or I can just say, I don’t understand
00:31:19.839 –> 00:31:23.119
how you could feel comfortable drinking airspray.
00:31:23.720 –> 00:31:26.940
But I’m not going to try it either. I’m not going
00:31:26.940 –> 00:31:30.279
to step into that realm of trying to see what
00:31:30.279 –> 00:31:34.680
it is that causes you to like it. Like sour candies.
00:31:34.839 –> 00:31:38.180
I don’t know why anyone would ever eat a sour
00:31:38.180 –> 00:31:43.759
candy. That’s an oxymoron. It just doesn’t work.
00:31:44.460 –> 00:31:48.380
Do sour candies give you sores in your mouth
00:31:48.380 –> 00:31:52.400
too? Do you experience any physical reactions
00:31:52.400 –> 00:31:58.460
to sour candy? No, I don’t think so. No. It’s
00:31:58.460 –> 00:32:01.019
just the taste. I mean, you don’t pick up a candy
00:32:01.019 –> 00:32:05.500
to be pucker -faced, sour, soured. That’s not
00:32:05.500 –> 00:32:10.279
why I would want to eat a candy. Right. I don’t
00:32:10.279 –> 00:32:14.140
like anything sour either or hot, you know, spicy.
00:32:14.640 –> 00:32:17.420
So there’s those things. I won’t do them, but
00:32:17.420 –> 00:32:20.299
I don’t necessarily resent them. So I’m not saying
00:32:20.299 –> 00:32:23.039
that I resent you because you brought sour candies
00:32:23.039 –> 00:32:26.160
to the party. Okay. You can’t be my friend anymore.
00:32:26.400 –> 00:32:31.539
Or you like this tajin chili sauce on your eggs.
00:32:31.920 –> 00:32:36.039
Yeah. Even if you put them on my eggs, I might
00:32:36.039 –> 00:32:39.900
try to eat them, but not really. I probably won’t.
00:32:41.019 –> 00:32:43.460
You can create around that. You don’t have to
00:32:43.460 –> 00:32:46.519
resent someone because they always, you know,
00:32:46.519 –> 00:32:48.220
are practical jokes. That’s kind of practical
00:32:48.220 –> 00:32:51.599
jokes. People could use that heat. sensitivity
00:32:51.599 –> 00:32:55.180
or the sour candy just put one sour candy in
00:32:55.180 –> 00:32:57.740
the in the other ones that are what do they have
00:32:57.740 –> 00:33:01.180
sour and sweet gummy bears you know you get a
00:33:01.180 –> 00:33:03.960
gummy bear package someone just put a sour one
00:33:03.960 –> 00:33:07.400
in the ball bowl is a practical joke i i could
00:33:07.400 –> 00:33:09.700
be major upset because of that or i could just
00:33:09.700 –> 00:33:13.279
say you know it’s the way it is haha i didn’t
00:33:13.279 –> 00:33:16.410
think it was funny well they’re That’s that’s
00:33:16.410 –> 00:33:18.809
a preference thing. But like, what if somebody
00:33:18.809 –> 00:33:23.150
acts like as a practical joke, snuck some like
00:33:23.150 –> 00:33:27.349
dairy into a lactose intolerant person’s food
00:33:27.349 –> 00:33:32.690
and like, hi, I just gave you diarrhea for the
00:33:32.690 –> 00:33:35.670
next four hours because I thought it would be
00:33:35.670 –> 00:33:38.430
funny. Like, would you have a right to resent
00:33:38.430 –> 00:33:42.130
that person that played that joke on you? Hmm.
00:33:42.609 –> 00:33:47.619
There’s a yeah. Would you have a right? I think
00:33:47.619 –> 00:33:51.099
right, saying it that way is a resentful statement.
00:33:51.400 –> 00:33:54.519
Okay. Saying, would you have a right? Isn’t that
00:33:54.519 –> 00:33:56.720
what everyone’s talking about? You know, our
00:33:56.720 –> 00:33:59.579
rights are being denigrated. We have to resent
00:33:59.579 –> 00:34:02.099
it because our rights are being hurt. Everyone
00:34:02.099 –> 00:34:06.019
has the opportunity. Everyone has the right to
00:34:06.019 –> 00:34:08.699
resent for whatever reason. It doesn’t really
00:34:08.699 –> 00:34:11.920
matter. Because the feeling is valid. All feelings
00:34:11.920 –> 00:34:14.570
are valid. And what would get really actually
00:34:14.570 –> 00:34:16.570
happened? It’s a circumstance. You can’t stop
00:34:16.570 –> 00:34:19.610
circumstances. You can’t stop facts. So yeah,
00:34:19.710 –> 00:34:22.150
I’m lactose intolerant. I actually received that
00:34:22.150 –> 00:34:25.590
milk or, you know, I was thinking the next thing,
00:34:25.630 –> 00:34:28.309
the next most logical thing, you know, that he’s
00:34:28.309 –> 00:34:31.110
got an EpiPen and you know, that he’s got a peanut
00:34:31.110 –> 00:34:32.929
allergy. And as soon as he eats these peanuts,
00:34:33.110 –> 00:34:35.650
this peanut oil, he’s going to go in anaphylaxis
00:34:35.650 –> 00:34:38.260
and he’s going to need that EpiPen. So I just
00:34:38.260 –> 00:34:41.139
want to see if he’ll actually do it. I’ve never
00:34:41.139 –> 00:34:43.139
seen anyone use an EpiPen. So I’m going to put
00:34:43.139 –> 00:34:47.239
this peanut oil in his pie and make him get sick
00:34:47.239 –> 00:34:50.699
so that he can use his pen. And I bet he won’t
00:34:50.699 –> 00:34:53.460
die. Just because I think it would be entertaining.
00:34:53.679 –> 00:34:55.480
Yeah, I think it would be fun. Yeah, it’s entertaining.
00:34:55.679 –> 00:34:59.179
The crowd will love it. You know, everyone’s
00:34:59.179 –> 00:35:01.400
going to love watching him go into shock and
00:35:01.400 –> 00:35:03.280
not be able to breathe and then getting that
00:35:03.280 –> 00:35:05.630
EpiPen. poking himself with it or having someone
00:35:05.630 –> 00:35:08.429
else do it and see if it does solve it. And if
00:35:08.429 –> 00:35:10.349
it doesn’t, then, you know, the paramedics come,
00:35:10.449 –> 00:35:12.949
we get to have a big event and everyone goes
00:35:12.949 –> 00:35:16.329
to the hospital tomorrow. So it would be fun
00:35:16.329 –> 00:35:20.489
still. But that is damaging somebody. Certainly
00:35:20.489 –> 00:35:23.289
he has the right to say, you guys, you know,
00:35:23.429 –> 00:35:25.909
why did you do that? Why did you want to kill
00:35:25.909 –> 00:35:28.429
me? We didn’t want to kill you. We just wanted
00:35:28.429 –> 00:35:29.949
you to go through a process so that we could
00:35:29.949 –> 00:35:33.329
laugh. It was fun. We enjoyed it. I didn’t enjoy
00:35:33.329 –> 00:35:37.730
it. But I can choose to resent you for giving
00:35:37.730 –> 00:35:40.269
me the peanut allergy thing, or I can choose
00:35:40.269 –> 00:35:43.969
to say, yeah, you had your fun. Please don’t
00:35:43.969 –> 00:35:47.369
ever do that again. I would rather not go through
00:35:47.369 –> 00:35:50.289
that. But it was great. I’m glad you guys enjoyed
00:35:50.289 –> 00:35:54.690
it. I’m happy that I could be there. But whatever
00:35:54.690 –> 00:35:56.510
I can do to encourage you not to do it again,
00:35:56.610 –> 00:36:01.019
don’t. Yeah. Yeah, I think that… the most likely
00:36:01.019 –> 00:36:04.320
result of that would be a boundary placed. Like
00:36:04.320 –> 00:36:06.239
I’m never going to be around these people again.
00:36:06.760 –> 00:36:10.260
Right. But could, would it be completely out
00:36:10.260 –> 00:36:13.380
of, out of sorts if the guy came back and said,
00:36:13.440 –> 00:36:15.699
I can, I’m going to go to every party. I’m going
00:36:15.699 –> 00:36:17.980
to watch really careful. And you know, the boundary
00:36:17.980 –> 00:36:19.980
that you’d legally play, you could say, don’t
00:36:19.980 –> 00:36:21.900
ever see the people again. Or the boundary you
00:36:21.900 –> 00:36:23.800
could say is I’m going to bring my own pumpkin
00:36:23.800 –> 00:36:26.820
pie. If that’s okay with you guys. Well, it’s
00:36:26.820 –> 00:36:28.880
not, it’s not if that’s okay with you guys as
00:36:28.880 –> 00:36:31.570
I’m. I’m never going to eat any food that anybody
00:36:31.570 –> 00:36:34.550
ever prepares. That’s another boundary is I’ll
00:36:34.550 –> 00:36:36.349
still come to your parties, but I’m not going
00:36:36.349 –> 00:36:38.230
to eat the food. I’m not going to accept your
00:36:38.230 –> 00:36:41.269
ice cream. I mean, there’s got to be some level
00:36:41.269 –> 00:36:46.170
of self -preservation that you have. It’s like
00:36:46.170 –> 00:36:50.230
bags in the airport. You know, everyone protects
00:36:50.230 –> 00:36:52.730
their own bags. 40 years ago, no one cared where
00:36:52.730 –> 00:36:56.170
the bags were. Yeah. Now, everyone knows exactly
00:36:56.170 –> 00:36:58.030
where your bag is and it’s got to be with your
00:36:58.030 –> 00:37:00.650
person all the time. So that’s the same thing
00:37:00.650 –> 00:37:03.210
you’d do. You’d put that boundary in place because
00:37:03.210 –> 00:37:06.130
there are practical jokers out there that may
00:37:06.130 –> 00:37:09.329
do something. Right. And even bringing an EpiPen
00:37:09.329 –> 00:37:14.230
with you is kind of a boundary. Yeah. I am protecting
00:37:14.230 –> 00:37:18.730
myself from death in the instance that someone
00:37:18.730 –> 00:37:23.050
accidentally or on purpose poisons me. Right.
00:37:23.519 –> 00:37:26.719
Yeah. And that’s why other people carry their
00:37:26.719 –> 00:37:31.219
weapons, you know, for protection. In the event
00:37:31.219 –> 00:37:33.539
something happens that’s crazy, they’re able
00:37:33.539 –> 00:37:37.599
to respond. Right. Do they resent? I mean, does
00:37:37.599 –> 00:37:39.940
someone carry a weapon because they resent other
00:37:39.940 –> 00:37:43.900
people? Not all the time. I’m sure that there
00:37:43.900 –> 00:37:46.500
are some groups where you bring a weapon because
00:37:46.500 –> 00:37:50.159
there’s someone there that might do something
00:37:50.159 –> 00:37:57.440
stupid. I mean, we’ve got car clubs in my town
00:37:57.440 –> 00:38:01.239
that it seems like every other week there’s a
00:38:01.239 –> 00:38:04.019
shooting there. And if I ever decided to join
00:38:04.019 –> 00:38:06.460
the car club, I’d probably make sure that I have
00:38:06.460 –> 00:38:10.059
a weapon with me because that’s what I would
00:38:10.059 –> 00:38:13.099
expect from that group. I would expect someone
00:38:13.099 –> 00:38:16.219
to… Inappropriately bring out their firearm
00:38:16.219 –> 00:38:18.440
and do something. Yeah, that’s what I would expect.
00:38:18.699 –> 00:38:23.559
Brandish it inappropriately. They would get resentful
00:38:23.559 –> 00:38:26.880
of somebody and have to take out their force.
00:38:28.139 –> 00:38:32.380
The police all have their firearms, and that’s
00:38:32.380 –> 00:38:36.079
standard. They’re not resenting the public. But
00:38:36.079 –> 00:38:40.780
then you’ve got this idea of ICE is out there
00:38:40.780 –> 00:38:42.679
resentful. They’re just trying to get rid of
00:38:42.679 –> 00:38:45.880
Americans. You hear that in verbiage. just trying
00:38:45.880 –> 00:38:48.420
to take off every citizen that’s of color and
00:38:48.420 –> 00:38:50.059
get them out of the country because they’re just
00:38:50.059 –> 00:38:53.199
Aryan, they want to be. I don’t believe that’s
00:38:53.199 –> 00:38:54.980
what’s happening, but that’s the story they’re
00:38:54.980 –> 00:38:57.579
saying. They’re resenting that. They’re saying
00:38:57.579 –> 00:39:00.539
because the white people resent that the brown
00:39:00.539 –> 00:39:02.179
people are in the country, so now they’ve got
00:39:02.179 –> 00:39:06.039
to get them out. So we’re using that false motivation
00:39:06.039 –> 00:39:10.739
as the motivation. So I think resentment exists,
00:39:11.059 –> 00:39:15.420
but I don’t think it should. Okay, what is the
00:39:15.420 –> 00:39:21.000
antidote to resentment? You know, the antidote,
00:39:21.000 –> 00:39:24.239
I just have to say it. I can’t build it. I wanted
00:39:24.239 –> 00:39:27.360
to build it. Can’t build it. The antidote to
00:39:27.360 –> 00:39:30.420
resentment is forgiveness. You have to give back,
00:39:30.539 –> 00:39:34.380
forgive. You have to let it go. Even if you don’t
00:39:34.380 –> 00:39:37.219
forget, it has to be forgiven, whatever it was
00:39:37.219 –> 00:39:39.599
that caused that resentment. You know, the fact
00:39:39.599 –> 00:39:43.199
of you’ve made this room smell like weed burning.
00:39:43.900 –> 00:39:46.880
You have to forgive it. It’s, you know, you either
00:39:46.880 –> 00:39:50.699
resent you because you’re burning weeds or I
00:39:50.699 –> 00:39:53.920
forgive you. So the forgiveness is the antidote.
00:39:54.300 –> 00:39:57.639
Okay. But not forgetting. Well, because it’s
00:39:57.639 –> 00:40:00.440
a nice story. You don’t forget your stories or
00:40:00.440 –> 00:40:02.659
your learning. And maybe it sets up the ability
00:40:02.659 –> 00:40:05.019
to put a boundary. If something’s that important,
00:40:05.340 –> 00:40:08.920
then you can identify your next boundary. But
00:40:08.920 –> 00:40:10.539
it has to be something you’re bounding yourself
00:40:10.539 –> 00:40:13.030
to. I’m not going to go to those game nights
00:40:13.030 –> 00:40:17.429
anymore or something because of that. And then
00:40:17.429 –> 00:40:19.429
they’ll say, why isn’t he here? Well, I don’t
00:40:19.429 –> 00:40:23.010
know. Maybe he didn’t forget that it smelled
00:40:23.010 –> 00:40:25.269
like weed in this house last time he was here.
00:40:26.369 –> 00:40:29.889
Yeah. Yeah, I don’t know. Boundaries. I want
00:40:29.889 –> 00:40:32.369
to talk about forgiveness a bit, though. Okay.
00:40:32.710 –> 00:40:34.869
Because, I mean, if that’s the antidote to resentment,
00:40:34.929 –> 00:40:37.150
we need to know what forgiveness actually is.
00:40:37.550 –> 00:40:40.760
There’s so much in the Bible. right, about forgiveness?
00:40:41.179 –> 00:40:45.820
It’s a religious topic. Is it also a secular
00:40:45.820 –> 00:40:51.340
topic? Like, can atheists be forgiving of others?
00:40:51.920 –> 00:40:55.260
Well, as an item of law, does law have a forgiveness
00:40:55.260 –> 00:40:58.159
clause? They call it justice and mercy. Does
00:40:58.159 –> 00:41:01.179
law have a mercy clause? Okay. And I don’t know
00:41:01.179 –> 00:41:03.579
if forgiveness necessarily is mercy. Mercy is
00:41:03.579 –> 00:41:07.699
the law not being applied, them allowing the
00:41:07.699 –> 00:41:10.210
law not to be applied. What is forgiveness in
00:41:10.210 –> 00:41:14.929
law? Well, I was thinking now of forgiving your
00:41:14.929 –> 00:41:18.570
debt. If there’s a debt forgiveness program,
00:41:18.869 –> 00:41:24.550
then whatever entity you owe money to has forgiven
00:41:24.550 –> 00:41:28.110
the debt. They no longer consider that you owe
00:41:28.110 –> 00:41:31.789
any debt. You don’t owe them any money anymore.
00:41:32.269 –> 00:41:36.409
And maybe, would you still? Maybe they would
00:41:36.409 –> 00:41:38.090
put up a boundary and say, we’re not going to
00:41:38.090 –> 00:41:40.409
lend you any money anymore, but you don’t owe
00:41:40.409 –> 00:41:44.269
us anymore. That would be the forgiving yet not
00:41:44.269 –> 00:41:46.809
forgetting. A bank? If it’s a bank, if it’s an
00:41:46.809 –> 00:41:49.710
institution that does that. You might not owe
00:41:49.710 –> 00:41:51.510
them any money anymore. Like maybe there were
00:41:51.510 –> 00:41:53.670
thousands of dollars that you had to pay them
00:41:53.670 –> 00:41:55.650
and they’re like, well, it’s obvious you’re never
00:41:55.650 –> 00:42:00.820
going to pay them back. Maybe. Maybe you filled
00:42:00.820 –> 00:42:03.440
out an application, like a debt forgiveness application,
00:42:03.500 –> 00:42:06.239
and they’re like, yeah, your circumstances show
00:42:06.239 –> 00:42:10.239
that you really can’t ever pay this back. So
00:42:10.239 –> 00:42:13.179
we’ll forgive the debt, but we’re never going
00:42:13.179 –> 00:42:17.739
to loan you money again. And perhaps we’ll even
00:42:17.739 –> 00:42:19.619
close your checking account, find a new bank
00:42:19.619 –> 00:42:23.539
to work with. Yeah, which is our business relationship
00:42:23.539 –> 00:42:26.840
is over. Right. So that’s a boundary they put
00:42:26.840 –> 00:42:29.019
up so they can put up a boundary because of the…
00:42:29.190 –> 00:42:32.190
memory, not forgetting, but they’ve forgiven
00:42:32.190 –> 00:42:35.750
the damage. And if it’s individuals working with
00:42:35.750 –> 00:42:39.489
each other, you know, lending $100 to somebody
00:42:39.489 –> 00:42:42.550
and say, okay, if an individual forgives another
00:42:42.550 –> 00:42:45.110
individual, it just becomes a gift. Okay, now
00:42:45.110 –> 00:42:48.769
I’ve just gifted that to you. Yeah. And maybe
00:42:48.769 –> 00:42:51.929
he’ll gift him something else. I think Dave Ramsey
00:42:51.929 –> 00:42:54.230
has that other way. Don’t lend. You’re either
00:42:54.230 –> 00:42:57.099
going to gift money to your family or… Lend
00:42:57.099 –> 00:42:59.099
it. Don’t lend money. Gift it. Gift it or not.
00:42:59.480 –> 00:43:02.079
Right. Don’t try to make your family pay you
00:43:02.079 –> 00:43:04.619
back. But that’s just another, that’s a thought
00:43:04.619 –> 00:43:07.719
as opposed to saying, I’m going to expect you
00:43:07.719 –> 00:43:11.699
to pay me back. So you could forgive money. What
00:43:11.699 –> 00:43:15.500
would be forgiveness in law? Would it be like
00:43:15.500 –> 00:43:18.820
your prison sentence being shortened for good
00:43:18.820 –> 00:43:22.260
behavior? Yeah. Okay. So you were sentenced to
00:43:22.260 –> 00:43:25.019
20 years, but in five years you have a parole
00:43:25.019 –> 00:43:27.840
hearing. So in five years, because you were excellent
00:43:27.840 –> 00:43:29.820
for five years, we’re going to parole you now
00:43:29.820 –> 00:43:33.260
for the next 15. You can just be out on parole.
00:43:33.679 –> 00:43:36.780
Yeah. And so we’ve forgiven that. Yet we haven’t
00:43:36.780 –> 00:43:38.400
forgotten because you’re still on the parole
00:43:38.400 –> 00:43:41.079
board, like the list. We’re still watching you.
00:43:41.159 –> 00:43:43.800
You still have the crime. And then you have a
00:43:43.800 –> 00:43:46.260
presidential pardon that can happen. Says the
00:43:46.260 –> 00:43:49.079
crime never existed. So you could be pardoned
00:43:49.079 –> 00:43:52.400
completely from it. I think. The other thing
00:43:52.400 –> 00:43:56.150
is you have the victim. that can either press
00:43:56.150 –> 00:43:59.010
charges or not. You know, you did something to
00:43:59.010 –> 00:44:00.909
me and now the police are there, you’re in front
00:44:00.909 –> 00:44:03.230
of the judge, and the judge says, do you want
00:44:03.230 –> 00:44:05.949
to press charges as the victim here? No, I’m
00:44:05.949 –> 00:44:08.130
going to forgive him. You know, you hear about
00:44:08.130 –> 00:44:13.989
that in stupid youth deals where a kid is just
00:44:13.989 –> 00:44:17.210
playing. I mean, the typical story, the guy with
00:44:17.210 –> 00:44:21.550
the bricks or the frozen turkey over the bridge
00:44:21.550 –> 00:44:24.409
that smashed through the windshield of somebody’s
00:44:24.409 –> 00:44:28.329
face. Yeah, the overpass. And they throw it onto
00:44:28.329 –> 00:44:31.289
a car driving on the freeway, right? Right. And
00:44:31.289 –> 00:44:33.809
so the lady then got to know the guy. You know,
00:44:33.909 –> 00:44:36.449
it’s just a stupid mistake. It was a game that
00:44:36.449 –> 00:44:37.969
you were playing that you went too far and it
00:44:37.969 –> 00:44:41.289
hurt me horribly. But I’m surviving. I’ll get
00:44:41.289 –> 00:44:43.050
through this and I want you to get through it
00:44:43.050 –> 00:44:45.269
too. So I’m not going to press charges. So that’s
00:44:45.269 –> 00:44:48.530
a forgiveness in law because you want something
00:44:48.530 –> 00:44:51.070
better for that other person. But how do you
00:44:51.070 –> 00:44:53.730
not forget? What is the act of not forgetting
00:44:53.730 –> 00:44:56.449
in that circumstance? Well, not forgetting your
00:44:56.449 –> 00:45:00.010
forgiveness. Maybe she became part of that kid’s
00:45:00.010 –> 00:45:01.769
life for the rest of his life. Maybe when he’s
00:45:01.769 –> 00:45:05.269
35 and she’s 84, they’re still talking. That’s
00:45:05.269 –> 00:45:08.210
what I would expect. Okay. That’s not forgetting.
00:45:08.469 –> 00:45:11.170
Don’t get back into that same situation, please.
00:45:11.650 –> 00:45:15.469
I’m forgiving you, but I’m not forgetting, so
00:45:15.469 –> 00:45:18.599
I’m going to kind of… I’ll be your own probation
00:45:18.599 –> 00:45:21.380
officer, but I’m just going to be grandma. Don’t
00:45:21.380 –> 00:45:23.880
think of me anything other than that. Big brother.
00:45:24.000 –> 00:45:26.920
You know, big brother is often phrased in the
00:45:26.920 –> 00:45:29.260
negative, but I’m just going to be your big brother.
00:45:29.420 –> 00:45:31.619
And there’s that big brother’s big sister’s program
00:45:31.619 –> 00:45:34.219
that says you need a big brother to kind of watch
00:45:34.219 –> 00:45:37.280
over you and help you get out of the ghetto that
00:45:37.280 –> 00:45:40.920
you’re in. I’m a big brother. Yeah. That would
00:45:40.920 –> 00:45:44.219
be the not forgetting part of it. I care. I care
00:45:44.219 –> 00:45:47.019
enough to not forget. Is that? I think that’s
00:45:47.019 –> 00:45:49.780
valid. It’s because you care that you don’t forget.
00:45:49.920 –> 00:45:52.000
You can forgive and forget if you don’t care
00:45:52.000 –> 00:45:54.619
because you’re never going to see that city again.
00:45:54.940 –> 00:45:57.960
I’m going to forgive and forget that certain
00:45:57.960 –> 00:46:00.320
town that I lived in that wasn’t good to me.
00:46:00.539 –> 00:46:03.159
And I’m never going back. I will never see. The
00:46:03.159 –> 00:46:06.320
boundary is so strong that that place just doesn’t
00:46:06.320 –> 00:46:08.360
exist. So you can forgive and forget that. But
00:46:08.360 –> 00:46:10.360
if you care about the place still, it’s my hometown.
00:46:11.079 –> 00:46:14.519
I didn’t like what happened there, but I’m not
00:46:14.519 –> 00:46:17.260
going to forget. I care about it, so I’m going
00:46:17.260 –> 00:46:20.940
to work with it still. Okay. That makes forgiveness
00:46:20.940 –> 00:46:24.179
a little bit more understandable, I think. I
00:46:24.179 –> 00:46:26.079
mean, I feel like I understand it better now.
00:46:26.940 –> 00:46:29.800
And is forgiveness an appropriate resolution
00:46:29.800 –> 00:46:34.300
to resentment? Well… Are those appropriately
00:46:34.300 –> 00:46:39.460
tied together? Yes, I think so. I think if someone
00:46:39.460 –> 00:46:44.719
hurt you and you’ve been resenting that… action
00:46:44.719 –> 00:46:47.380
that they took, whether it was intentionally
00:46:47.380 –> 00:46:49.980
to hurt you or whether it was just an action
00:46:49.980 –> 00:46:54.039
that they took that hurt you, like unintentionally,
00:46:54.039 –> 00:46:57.019
you were hurt by it. I think if you’re resenting
00:46:57.019 –> 00:46:59.960
someone for that, I mean, the appropriate thing
00:46:59.960 –> 00:47:03.400
would be to forgive them. That would cancel out
00:47:03.400 –> 00:47:06.139
the resentment. The definition of forgiveness
00:47:06.139 –> 00:47:10.380
is canceling resentment. Stop your resentment.
00:47:10.460 –> 00:47:14.059
I no longer resent you. I forgive you. They mean
00:47:14.059 –> 00:47:16.579
the same thing. You can say, I no longer resent
00:47:16.579 –> 00:47:19.980
you, which is the same thing as saying I forgive
00:47:19.980 –> 00:47:24.420
you. Yeah. But saying I forgive you doesn’t have
00:47:24.420 –> 00:47:26.320
that same feeling of saying I no longer resent
00:47:26.320 –> 00:47:29.900
you. That’s a deeper definition of forgiveness.
00:47:30.460 –> 00:47:34.000
Okay. If someone just says I forgive you, that
00:47:34.000 –> 00:47:36.179
doesn’t mean they have stopped resenting you.
00:47:36.519 –> 00:47:39.300
Right. I forgive you. Because that’s a trite
00:47:39.300 –> 00:47:41.860
phrase that’s too often stated. Yeah, I forgive
00:47:41.860 –> 00:47:43.909
you. But I’m never going to talk to you again.
00:47:43.969 –> 00:47:46.210
I’m never going to be around you. I’m going to
00:47:46.210 –> 00:47:48.409
resent that for the rest of my life. I still
00:47:48.409 –> 00:47:53.289
hold that resentment. That not forgetting is
00:47:53.289 –> 00:47:58.929
pretty strong in that situation. You will never
00:47:58.929 –> 00:48:01.309
forget. I am never going to forget what you’ve
00:48:01.309 –> 00:48:03.510
done. I forgive you, but I will never forget
00:48:03.510 –> 00:48:05.969
what you did. Yeah, what’s the never forget?
00:48:06.110 –> 00:48:08.070
Because those things are used positively about
00:48:08.070 –> 00:48:12.239
9 -11, right? Never forget. with the flag and
00:48:12.239 –> 00:48:15.920
the towers, and you say never forget as a statement
00:48:15.920 –> 00:48:20.719
of patriotism. Yeah, I’m fully patriotic to this
00:48:20.719 –> 00:48:23.699
idea, so I’m never going to forget that your
00:48:23.699 –> 00:48:26.599
class of people did this. Is that a bad thing?
00:48:26.880 –> 00:48:31.239
Is that the intention of the never forget thing?
00:48:31.320 –> 00:48:35.159
I thought that was never forget all those people
00:48:35.159 –> 00:48:37.900
that died, like we’re never going to forget.
00:48:38.510 –> 00:48:41.210
That something horrible happened, but it’s not
00:48:41.210 –> 00:48:44.369
that we’re never going to forget that it was
00:48:44.369 –> 00:48:46.889
an act of terrorism. Maybe that’s a subjective
00:48:46.889 –> 00:48:49.369
thing. Never forget the people. Never forget
00:48:49.369 –> 00:48:53.050
whose lives were lost. Yeah. And it depends on
00:48:53.050 –> 00:48:55.489
how you take that phrase. Right. Never forget.
00:48:55.690 –> 00:48:58.949
Are you a victim or are you a creator? Yeah.
00:48:59.030 –> 00:49:02.909
So a creator with it. Or like the one from a
00:49:02.909 –> 00:49:06.070
long time ago, don’t tread on me, those statements.
00:49:06.630 –> 00:49:09.880
Yeah. There’s a flag, don’t tread on me. That
00:49:09.880 –> 00:49:13.280
could be positive or negative. Don’t tread on
00:49:13.280 –> 00:49:16.219
me. Well, it’s a rattlesnake, so I’m going to
00:49:16.219 –> 00:49:18.440
bite you and you’ll die. If you tread on me,
00:49:18.460 –> 00:49:21.579
you’re going to die. Or if you tread on me, we
00:49:21.579 –> 00:49:23.559
become friends for the rest of your life. And
00:49:23.559 –> 00:49:27.320
so if you tread on me, we’re going to be connected.
00:49:27.820 –> 00:49:30.480
That’s a more positive way to look at it. I’m
00:49:30.480 –> 00:49:34.280
a big brother now to you. All right. So never
00:49:34.280 –> 00:49:37.389
forgetting. I’m never going to forget. what you
00:49:37.389 –> 00:49:41.769
did, that implies that there’s still hard feelings
00:49:41.769 –> 00:49:46.949
there. Well, it can be. It can be a threat. Never
00:49:46.949 –> 00:49:50.090
forget. I will never forget. Or it can be a promise.
00:49:50.369 –> 00:49:54.570
It can be a promise. I’ll never forget the connection
00:49:54.570 –> 00:49:57.289
we had at that time. And so I promise to always
00:49:57.289 –> 00:49:59.809
be with you. Yeah. I mean, it depends on what
00:49:59.809 –> 00:50:01.630
your facial expression is when you’re saying
00:50:01.630 –> 00:50:03.489
it. If you’re pointing your finger and you’ve
00:50:03.489 –> 00:50:05.590
got angry eyes, I will never forget this. I’ll
00:50:05.590 –> 00:50:07.940
never forget. You’ve got your hands out. You’re
00:50:07.940 –> 00:50:11.500
like, I will never forget this. So that’s why
00:50:11.500 –> 00:50:14.500
it’s important that you have body language. Yeah.
00:50:14.559 –> 00:50:16.780
That’s why body language is important. Is it
00:50:16.780 –> 00:50:23.960
objectively better to forgive and happily never
00:50:23.960 –> 00:50:28.420
forget than it is to hold on to resentment? Do
00:50:28.420 –> 00:50:31.960
you think that’s just true no matter who you
00:50:31.960 –> 00:50:36.110
are? Better to forgive. What is healthy? Right.
00:50:36.469 –> 00:50:40.409
And is that a statement better, meaning a healthier
00:50:40.409 –> 00:50:44.090
way to live? Does it serve our DNA better, our
00:50:44.090 –> 00:50:47.429
human humanity? Will you live longer because
00:50:47.429 –> 00:50:52.289
you forgave? Than you held a grudge or you held
00:50:52.289 –> 00:50:54.809
resentment? Yeah. The whole purpose of putting
00:50:54.809 –> 00:50:56.889
up a boundary or holding resentment is to protect
00:50:56.889 –> 00:50:58.909
yourself so that you can live longer and live
00:50:58.909 –> 00:51:02.369
better. Yeah. The peanut allergy. Now I have
00:51:02.369 –> 00:51:05.889
to put a wall between you and me. Yeah. Does
00:51:05.889 –> 00:51:11.789
that wall serve you or put a detriment for you
00:51:11.789 –> 00:51:14.530
by keeping that wall there, keeping that resentment
00:51:14.530 –> 00:51:17.889
in place? Stonewalling. Is stonewalling ever
00:51:17.889 –> 00:51:21.630
a good idea? Stonewalling is like a resentful
00:51:21.630 –> 00:51:26.010
boundary, yeah. Right. I think so. It’s saying
00:51:26.010 –> 00:51:29.659
I’m going to never forget. I don’t care about
00:51:29.659 –> 00:51:32.500
that anymore. I’m going to not care. So the stone
00:51:32.500 –> 00:51:34.800
wall is there because I don’t care about what’s
00:51:34.800 –> 00:51:37.000
on the other side of it. If you care about it,
00:51:37.019 –> 00:51:39.280
you want to maintain the relationship. Relationships
00:51:39.280 –> 00:51:42.280
are the spark of life. That’s what keeps life
00:51:42.280 –> 00:51:45.619
going. So if you’re a hermit, you just live up
00:51:45.619 –> 00:51:47.980
in the mountains by yourself. When the bears
00:51:47.980 –> 00:51:52.900
eat you, nobody knows. If you’re with a group
00:51:52.900 –> 00:51:55.949
of people, then that group… can hopefully be
00:51:55.949 –> 00:51:58.449
bigger than the bear and no one gets eaten. But
00:51:58.449 –> 00:52:00.750
if you do get eaten, the group will find you
00:52:00.750 –> 00:52:02.849
and they will mourn your loss. I don’t know,
00:52:02.849 –> 00:52:05.750
that’s a totally other topic as to whether it’s
00:52:05.750 –> 00:52:08.670
better to be with people or without people. Is
00:52:08.670 –> 00:52:11.030
it healthier? So we’re saying, is it healthier
00:52:11.030 –> 00:52:14.829
or better to live with forgiveness or live with
00:52:14.829 –> 00:52:18.090
resentment? Yeah, and maybe there are people
00:52:18.090 –> 00:52:21.309
who intentionally stay away from people because
00:52:21.309 –> 00:52:26.320
they get overwhelmed or… angry or too excited,
00:52:26.400 –> 00:52:28.380
or maybe they do stupid things. Maybe they’re
00:52:28.380 –> 00:52:31.099
like, anytime I’m with these people, I drink
00:52:31.099 –> 00:52:33.599
too much. And then I feel really horrible the
00:52:33.599 –> 00:52:36.539
next day. Like I have no control. I know I have
00:52:36.539 –> 00:52:39.119
no control over myself when I’m with this group
00:52:39.119 –> 00:52:42.460
of friends. And so I need to stay away from them.
00:52:42.800 –> 00:52:46.199
And so maybe they’re, they’re intentionally choosing
00:52:46.199 –> 00:52:50.860
solitude because… That’s kind of a, of a self
00:52:50.860 –> 00:52:53.949
-resentment though, isn’t it? Yeah. I don’t have
00:52:53.949 –> 00:52:58.590
enough willpower to only drink water or to bring
00:52:58.590 –> 00:53:02.210
my own drink, my own Diet Coke. Yeah, so they’re
00:53:02.210 –> 00:53:08.289
in a way a victim of their own inability to control
00:53:08.289 –> 00:53:13.210
themselves. If you’re unable, and that’s back
00:53:13.210 –> 00:53:17.269
to being able to work on yourself, do the work
00:53:17.269 –> 00:53:21.570
to fix what’s wrong with you so that you can
00:53:21.570 –> 00:53:24.780
be in society. If you think it’s just too hard,
00:53:24.860 –> 00:53:28.920
like I can’t do the work. I am forever going
00:53:28.920 –> 00:53:32.000
to be a resentful person or an overwhelmed person
00:53:32.000 –> 00:53:35.480
or a social drinker. There’s nothing I can do
00:53:35.480 –> 00:53:38.880
about it. It’s just too hard. So I have to live
00:53:38.880 –> 00:53:41.880
in solitude. And can’t means won’t. It means
00:53:41.880 –> 00:53:45.280
I’m not going to try. Or I’m agreeing that I
00:53:45.280 –> 00:53:47.559
have a certain disease that’s identified that
00:53:47.559 –> 00:53:49.659
I’m not going to be able to change even if I
00:53:49.659 –> 00:53:52.880
try. So I’m not going to try. Yeah. It’s my DNA
00:53:52.880 –> 00:53:57.099
is wrong. Yeah. And so I’m accepting, I’m accepting
00:53:57.099 –> 00:53:58.900
the fact that I’m broken because I’m broken.
00:53:58.980 –> 00:54:02.679
I’m going to resent myself for not being able
00:54:02.679 –> 00:54:04.260
to be there, but I’m just not going to be there.
00:54:04.420 –> 00:54:09.099
Yeah. And is that a good life? Maybe it’s better
00:54:09.099 –> 00:54:14.440
than, better than one alternative of being around
00:54:14.440 –> 00:54:16.920
people and always being overwhelmed or always
00:54:16.920 –> 00:54:20.900
drinking yourself into. unconsciousness or always
00:54:20.900 –> 00:54:24.260
being the puppet so if if you know they they’re
00:54:24.260 –> 00:54:26.639
well it’s instead of drinking if it’s just you’re
00:54:26.639 –> 00:54:28.780
around a group of narcissists and they can make
00:54:28.780 –> 00:54:30.940
you do anything you’re always going to accept
00:54:30.940 –> 00:54:34.380
what you’re what a gullible i’m i just i’m i’m
00:54:34.380 –> 00:54:36.199
so gullible i’m going to do everything they say
00:54:36.199 –> 00:54:39.239
and so you start realizing that i want to protect
00:54:39.239 –> 00:54:41.119
myself i don’t want to be on the end of the bungee
00:54:41.119 –> 00:54:45.659
cord anymore so the health of an individual and
00:54:45.659 –> 00:54:48.900
we’re supposing at this time that individuals
00:54:48.900 –> 00:54:51.659
are more healthy if they have a community, whether
00:54:51.659 –> 00:54:53.840
that’s the case. I mean, we did talk about communities
00:54:53.840 –> 00:54:55.800
and that you want your tier one and tier two,
00:54:55.860 –> 00:54:57.219
you know, you need to have friends here, people
00:54:57.219 –> 00:55:00.460
around you. Yeah. And I think there is some research
00:55:00.460 –> 00:55:06.800
that shows that people who have strong communities
00:55:06.800 –> 00:55:10.920
are healthier and live longer. But I wonder if
00:55:10.920 –> 00:55:13.559
there’s research on people that live in solitude
00:55:13.559 –> 00:55:16.260
that know that they can’t control themselves
00:55:16.260 –> 00:55:19.739
when they’re in Like, do they live longer than
00:55:19.739 –> 00:55:23.139
if they were living in a community? Does everyone
00:55:23.139 –> 00:55:25.719
around them live longer? Like serial killers
00:55:25.719 –> 00:55:28.860
who suffer from a brain tumor, all they need
00:55:28.860 –> 00:55:30.820
is to have that tumor removed, but that’s too
00:55:30.820 –> 00:55:34.719
hard or too expensive. And so they’d rather live
00:55:34.719 –> 00:55:37.019
in solitude. And that’s healthier for everyone,
00:55:37.099 –> 00:55:41.739
for them to be alone. Well, as long as they have
00:55:41.739 –> 00:55:44.199
someone managing that aloneness like a prison
00:55:44.199 –> 00:55:48.440
wall. Yeah. That’s the only thing that makes
00:55:48.440 –> 00:55:52.019
that alone better. Right. You had the Unabomber,
00:55:52.059 –> 00:55:54.719
Ted Kaczynski. He was that type of person and
00:55:54.719 –> 00:55:57.760
he did it all alone. Yeah. Through the mail.
00:55:58.360 –> 00:56:02.659
Right. But he still got his word out. He’s got
00:56:02.659 –> 00:56:06.059
his whole feelings out in the world and everyone
00:56:06.059 –> 00:56:08.699
knew what he did. I don’t know that you can self
00:56:08.699 –> 00:56:12.940
-protect a psychotic event. You can self -protect
00:56:12.940 –> 00:56:16.530
a puppet or a gullible. I don’t even know if
00:56:16.530 –> 00:56:18.769
he can do that because you have too much joy
00:56:18.769 –> 00:56:20.869
being around people. You’re going to have to
00:56:20.869 –> 00:56:24.190
be around people. Yeah. They talk about a solitude
00:56:24.190 –> 00:56:27.010
that makes people crazy. If you only have yourself
00:56:27.010 –> 00:56:32.150
to talk to, Walden, though, Henry David Thoreau,
00:56:32.289 –> 00:56:35.829
he did fine for a time, but he only did it for
00:56:35.829 –> 00:56:38.889
a time to go self -introspection completely.
00:56:39.570 –> 00:56:44.369
So that’s good in short realms. And I don’t know
00:56:44.369 –> 00:56:46.510
what the rest of his life, I really don’t know
00:56:46.510 –> 00:56:49.409
what he did. He was a professor, a college professor,
00:56:49.650 –> 00:56:51.929
I think. So he was well involved with the community.
00:56:51.969 –> 00:56:53.510
Did he go back and be a professor when he was
00:56:53.510 –> 00:56:57.130
done? Most likely, I think he did. I don’t know
00:56:57.130 –> 00:57:01.090
though. So taking a sabbatical on your own isn’t
00:57:01.090 –> 00:57:03.570
necessarily a bad thing. Are you happier with
00:57:03.570 –> 00:57:07.269
resentment though? I think that causes stress,
00:57:07.489 –> 00:57:10.489
the fact that you’re remembering. Resentment,
00:57:10.489 –> 00:57:14.280
I think it’s what you did to me. that causes
00:57:14.280 –> 00:57:17.400
me to resent you. And so I resent you from now
00:57:17.400 –> 00:57:20.960
forever on because of what you did 20 years ago.
00:57:21.179 –> 00:57:24.320
So this 20 -year -ago path that I continue to
00:57:24.320 –> 00:57:28.380
remember and wallow in is affecting my life every
00:57:28.380 –> 00:57:31.559
day. 20 years ago, you stopped doing that. You’re
00:57:31.559 –> 00:57:34.219
no longer there. You don’t live 20 years in the
00:57:34.219 –> 00:57:35.960
past, but I continue to live 20 years in the
00:57:35.960 –> 00:57:39.400
past. That’s got to be harmful to me. It’s a
00:57:39.400 –> 00:57:43.320
stress. It does cause… cause a stress. You
00:57:43.320 –> 00:57:45.559
can’t have resentment and not be stressed about
00:57:45.559 –> 00:57:50.039
that. And stressed is a, is a buzzword. It’s,
00:57:50.039 –> 00:57:53.059
it’s, you know, I’m just so stressed today, you
00:57:53.059 –> 00:57:56.920
know, it’s, but stress is a physical thing that
00:57:56.920 –> 00:57:59.539
happens. Your heart rate is, is a little bit
00:57:59.539 –> 00:58:02.840
higher or you’re. Which is the center part of
00:58:02.840 –> 00:58:07.280
that word, right? The feel. Yeah. It’s an actual
00:58:07.280 –> 00:58:10.659
feeling. that is being pronounced right now.
00:58:10.739 –> 00:58:12.820
It’s a resentment that’s coming up. It’s automatic.
00:58:13.340 –> 00:58:17.059
Yeah. And that’s if you can recognize that you’re
00:58:17.059 –> 00:58:19.940
stressed over something, like if there’s physical
00:58:19.940 –> 00:58:22.940
stress that you’re feeling that’s behind the
00:58:22.940 –> 00:58:26.519
feeling of being stressed, then you can do things
00:58:26.519 –> 00:58:31.360
to de -stress yourself, to lower your heart rate
00:58:31.360 –> 00:58:35.300
and calm your breathing and center yourself in
00:58:35.300 –> 00:58:39.110
what’s really important to… reduce the your
00:58:39.110 –> 00:58:42.309
physiological things that are happening that
00:58:42.309 –> 00:58:46.750
are making you feel stressed right perfect that’s
00:58:46.750 –> 00:58:50.610
a perfect answer so yeah there’s stress the stress
00:58:50.610 –> 00:58:54.010
of feeling of resenting someone the feeling of
00:58:54.010 –> 00:58:56.230
resenting someone the stress of resenting someone
00:58:56.230 –> 00:58:59.070
that’s every time you think of that resentment
00:58:59.070 –> 00:59:01.690
that you have that you are holding you’ve got
00:59:01.690 –> 00:59:03.909
it in your little package that you’re carrying
00:59:03.909 –> 00:59:07.119
around with you everywhere you go Reminding yourself
00:59:07.119 –> 00:59:09.400
of it. You’re like, oh yeah, I’ve got this in
00:59:09.400 –> 00:59:12.019
my hands that I’m holding this resentment. Then
00:59:12.019 –> 00:59:15.900
you get a physiological response to that, that
00:59:15.900 –> 00:59:19.980
stress. You’re stressing your body because of
00:59:19.980 –> 00:59:24.440
that. And I think that’s what therapists attempt
00:59:24.440 –> 00:59:27.500
to accomplish, right? What in your childhood
00:59:27.500 –> 00:59:29.699
caused this to start? Let’s look back to find
00:59:29.699 –> 00:59:32.639
out what you’re holding still. What are you still
00:59:32.639 –> 00:59:35.860
holding in your little hands that you’re… causing
00:59:35.860 –> 00:59:39.139
you this current stress yeah and that’s kind
00:59:39.139 –> 00:59:40.860
of a trite phrase you know something happened
00:59:40.860 –> 00:59:43.880
in your childhood that created all this right
00:59:43.880 –> 00:59:47.719
but if you can just forgive so trying to solve
00:59:47.719 –> 00:59:50.139
that solve that picture it doesn’t matter what
00:59:50.139 –> 00:59:53.480
it was years ago who you resent if you can identify
00:59:53.480 –> 00:59:56.239
you resent someone and you can forgive them frankly
00:59:56.239 –> 01:00:00.599
completely no longer resent them would your life
01:00:00.599 –> 01:00:03.139
be much easier yeah then you don’t have to carry
01:00:03.139 –> 01:00:07.550
this resent anymore. And maybe that will solve
01:00:07.550 –> 01:00:11.429
your autoimmune disease, which is happening because
01:00:11.429 –> 01:00:13.829
of the physical stress that you’re feeling because
01:00:13.829 –> 01:00:19.309
of this resentment. Yeah. The cancer is exacerbated
01:00:19.309 –> 01:00:22.829
by the stress that you’re folding. Yeah. Which,
01:00:22.949 –> 01:00:25.730
you know, on the surface of it, it’s like, oh
01:00:25.730 –> 01:00:30.110
yeah, that’s crazy. Like why? How could your
01:00:30.110 –> 01:00:34.329
feelings be affecting your physical tumor? That
01:00:34.329 –> 01:00:37.789
doesn’t make any sense at all. But I think that’s
01:00:37.789 –> 01:00:40.030
what research is showing these days. They’re
01:00:40.030 –> 01:00:43.210
showing more and more that people are having
01:00:43.210 –> 01:00:47.849
better outcomes in cancer treatment by reducing
01:00:47.849 –> 01:00:52.469
stress. It’s actually better for them. They turn
01:00:52.469 –> 01:00:56.329
out better. And autoimmune diseases do get better.
01:00:56.829 –> 01:01:02.090
when people do the work to fix their problems,
01:01:02.510 –> 01:01:05.889
the problems in their life. That cause stress.
01:01:06.130 –> 01:01:10.530
Yeah, they’re stressful resentments. So if we
01:01:10.530 –> 01:01:14.010
could get rid of resentment by forgiveness, and
01:01:14.010 –> 01:01:16.769
forgiveness just no longer resenting, whether
01:01:16.769 –> 01:01:19.650
you make it a religious statement or not, it’s
01:01:19.650 –> 01:01:22.769
just saying, I’m going to let go of that. I’m
01:01:22.769 –> 01:01:25.050
not going to hold on to it anymore. That’s what
01:01:25.050 –> 01:01:27.730
therapists, I mean, in the therapy world, perhaps.
01:01:27.829 –> 01:01:30.070
I’m not a therapist. I don’t know. You’ve been
01:01:30.070 –> 01:01:33.230
to a therapist, though. I’ve seen them. I’ve
01:01:33.230 –> 01:01:35.869
watched them on TV. I’ve watched them. I played
01:01:35.869 –> 01:01:40.909
one on TV. Yeah. The therapist’s role is to,
01:01:41.050 –> 01:01:46.250
well, I saw, you know, baby steps. Yes. What
01:01:46.250 –> 01:01:51.190
about Bob? Yeah. Take a vacation from your problems.
01:01:51.650 –> 01:01:56.510
Yes, exactly. Let’s do that. The stress. It will
01:01:56.510 –> 01:01:58.610
dissipate if you no longer hold that resentment.
01:01:58.889 –> 01:02:01.809
You’re no longer having to be under stress all
01:02:01.809 –> 01:02:06.010
the time because you’re resentful, full of resentment,
01:02:06.150 –> 01:02:11.050
full of heavy feelings towards someone that wronged
01:02:11.050 –> 01:02:14.909
you. You have to forgive that wrong. And whether
01:02:14.909 –> 01:02:17.170
you put the boundary up that’s a careful boundary
01:02:17.170 –> 01:02:19.150
that you care about it, that you’re going to
01:02:19.150 –> 01:02:21.210
remember, but you’re still going to operate there.
01:02:21.269 –> 01:02:23.860
It doesn’t have to. If you put the boundary up
01:02:23.860 –> 01:02:25.519
that I don’t care anymore and I’m putting a stone
01:02:25.519 –> 01:02:27.780
wall boundary, but then if you ever come across
01:02:27.780 –> 01:02:30.179
that person or something that reminds you of
01:02:30.179 –> 01:02:32.679
the name of that person, the resentment’s going
01:02:32.679 –> 01:02:36.019
to come right back up. You have to somehow let
01:02:36.019 –> 01:02:39.820
the name, I don’t know, Heber, not mean bad things
01:02:39.820 –> 01:02:42.480
to you anymore. Anytime you hear Heber, if you
01:02:42.480 –> 01:02:45.920
have resentment towards Heber, the person or
01:02:45.920 –> 01:02:50.969
the place or the galaxy, whatever. If you have
01:02:50.969 –> 01:02:52.929
resentment towards it, it’s going to remind you
01:02:52.929 –> 01:02:54.250
of that resentment. Your resentment is going
01:02:54.250 –> 01:02:55.929
to come up in your brain. But if you forgive
01:02:55.929 –> 01:02:58.849
it completely, and Heber no longer is a bad person,
01:02:59.010 –> 01:03:02.989
that happened 20 years ago, and it’s done. I
01:03:02.989 –> 01:03:06.809
completely don’t resent that situation anymore.
01:03:07.329 –> 01:03:10.289
I know it was just a difference in life. He was
01:03:10.289 –> 01:03:12.210
in a different position than I was, and we had
01:03:12.210 –> 01:03:15.570
that little battle. But that was just a difference.
01:03:16.170 –> 01:03:18.230
Recognize it for what it is, as a circumstance.
01:03:19.000 –> 01:03:21.019
And I’m no longer going to think this way against
01:03:21.019 –> 01:03:24.519
it. My thoughts are now changed. Hypothetically,
01:03:24.519 –> 01:03:27.539
this would also be the path to take in regards
01:03:27.539 –> 01:03:32.360
to trigger words. Anything that people feel like
01:03:32.360 –> 01:03:34.159
they need to put a trigger warning on their online
01:03:34.159 –> 01:03:40.500
content for, like suicide and rape and… Killing.
01:03:41.380 –> 01:03:45.559
Narcissism and… You know, earlier in this discussion,
01:03:45.739 –> 01:03:48.519
I said that word killing. And I thought, that’s
01:03:48.519 –> 01:03:51.420
a word that people aren’t going to like. Yeah.
01:03:51.679 –> 01:03:54.079
You know, and I’ve used all the other ones, all
01:03:54.079 –> 01:03:56.460
the other trigger words. You just blurted them
01:03:56.460 –> 01:04:00.619
out. Yeah. But why do you have those words? Why
01:04:00.619 –> 01:04:03.539
do they trigger? It triggers someone because
01:04:03.539 –> 01:04:06.699
they have resentment towards something. They
01:04:06.699 –> 01:04:11.539
haven’t forgiven whatever it is that that word
01:04:11.539 –> 01:04:15.099
reminds them of. Or reminds the world of, or
01:04:15.099 –> 01:04:18.409
in general. You know, it reminds people. We’ve
01:04:18.409 –> 01:04:20.429
got to protect people. We have to protect society
01:04:20.429 –> 01:04:25.869
because this word is triggering to a large fraction
01:04:25.869 –> 01:04:29.150
of people or a small fraction. But I mean, they
01:04:29.150 –> 01:04:32.969
are using, well, some content creators are using
01:04:32.969 –> 01:04:37.769
trigger warning as, well, it’s a way to still
01:04:37.769 –> 01:04:40.969
be able to use the word. No, they’re still able
01:04:40.969 –> 01:04:42.670
to use the word. If they use trigger warning.
01:04:43.500 –> 01:04:45.800
Then they’re still able to talk about it. And
01:04:45.800 –> 01:04:48.179
other content creators, they don’t do a trigger
01:04:48.179 –> 01:04:52.539
warning. They just change the words. Unaliving.
01:04:52.800 –> 01:04:56.280
It’s not suicide anymore. It’s unaliving, which
01:04:56.280 –> 01:05:01.239
is really stupid. I hate when I see that. It’s
01:05:01.239 –> 01:05:04.820
almost an instant unfollow if I see that. Nope,
01:05:04.960 –> 01:05:09.639
thumbs down. I don’t agree with this. That’s
01:05:09.639 –> 01:05:13.820
unaliving is a trigger word. Right. Right. It’s
01:05:13.820 –> 01:05:15.800
your trigger word. Do you resent that person
01:05:15.800 –> 01:05:17.860
for using it? You resent them enough to block
01:05:17.860 –> 01:05:20.139
their channel completely. I resent the whole
01:05:20.139 –> 01:05:24.760
situation. I’ve got resentment for trigger words.
01:05:25.840 –> 01:05:29.679
Right. For political correctness in your environment.
01:05:30.000 –> 01:05:33.599
Right. If you have to say it’s politically correct,
01:05:33.780 –> 01:05:35.619
then I don’t want to be part of you anymore.
01:05:36.039 –> 01:05:40.869
Yeah. How can I forgive that? I’m going to have
01:05:40.869 –> 01:05:44.150
to do some work on that. Yeah, well, to forgive
01:05:44.150 –> 01:05:47.050
it, you just have to say, well, is their content
01:05:47.050 –> 01:05:50.329
really valuable for me to hear? And you can determine
01:05:50.329 –> 01:05:52.969
the reason I’m canceling them isn’t because of
01:05:52.969 –> 01:05:56.449
that word. That word is stupid. I’m okay. I forgive
01:05:56.449 –> 01:05:58.449
them completely for using that stupid unaligning
01:05:58.449 –> 01:06:01.289
word. But the rest of their stuff really didn’t
01:06:01.289 –> 01:06:05.309
teach me anything either. It was all trash. They’re
01:06:05.309 –> 01:06:07.650
not someone I’m going to listen to. Yeah. No,
01:06:07.829 –> 01:06:11.769
I’ve got to forgive society as a whole for feeling
01:06:11.769 –> 01:06:17.590
the need to use substitute words instead of the
01:06:17.590 –> 01:06:21.449
real word. See, and the euphemisms, they used
01:06:21.449 –> 01:06:25.050
to call those euphemisms. Uh -huh. So you use
01:06:25.050 –> 01:06:27.730
substitute words. That’s a softer way of saying
01:06:27.730 –> 01:06:31.050
it, euphemistically speaking. I don’t know. I
01:06:31.050 –> 01:06:33.679
haven’t heard euphemism in the last… 20 years.
01:06:33.760 –> 01:06:35.460
Yeah. I don’t think that I could confidently
01:06:35.460 –> 01:06:38.880
use that word in a conversation. Yeah. No one
01:06:38.880 –> 01:06:41.440
today uses euphemism, but that’s exactly what
01:06:41.440 –> 01:06:43.320
it is. Substitute words, you know, come up with
01:06:43.320 –> 01:06:46.059
your other words for it. Replacements. Yeah.
01:06:46.380 –> 01:06:49.539
Politically correct. Politically correct. I replaced
01:06:49.539 –> 01:06:54.760
euphemism, I think. Oh, yeah. So really, I mean,
01:06:54.780 –> 01:06:58.519
that is a personal example that I was able to
01:06:58.519 –> 01:07:01.960
identify. And I think I would be happier forgiving.
01:07:03.069 –> 01:07:06.369
having forgiveness in that space, then. Instead
01:07:06.369 –> 01:07:08.789
of being angered by it every time it comes up
01:07:08.789 –> 01:07:11.289
or. Every time it comes up. Resentful. Yeah.
01:07:11.590 –> 01:07:14.210
Yeah. It causes stress. Every time it comes up,
01:07:14.210 –> 01:07:16.909
you recognize it. Say, why did they do that?
01:07:16.989 –> 01:07:19.250
They did that again. Now this show did that.
01:07:19.650 –> 01:07:22.610
Now that person did it. And now everybody’s doing
01:07:22.610 –> 01:07:25.349
it. I can’t handle this. All over society. Yeah.
01:07:25.429 –> 01:07:27.550
And then someone at work will say it. You say,
01:07:27.630 –> 01:07:30.550
why? Why did you bring this into your everyday
01:07:30.550 –> 01:07:33.500
life? You’re just a standard guy on the street,
01:07:33.639 –> 01:07:36.260
and now you’re using this unaliving word? How
01:07:36.260 –> 01:07:39.500
did it get so ubiquitous in society? And if you
01:07:39.500 –> 01:07:41.500
forgive it, then you don’t have to think about
01:07:41.500 –> 01:07:44.619
it. He said unaliving. That’s funny. I heard
01:07:44.619 –> 01:07:47.980
that the other day. As opposed to, that’s bugging
01:07:47.980 –> 01:07:49.599
me, and now I’m carrying more stress because
01:07:49.599 –> 01:07:52.219
of it. Right. Every time I’m reminded of it,
01:07:52.320 –> 01:07:57.079
it gets stronger. Snowballs into something bigger.
01:07:57.639 –> 01:07:59.940
Right. So you don’t want to snowball things.
01:08:00.000 –> 01:08:02.519
By forgiving, you don’t snowball. You don’t stick
01:08:02.519 –> 01:08:05.659
together. It just lets it go. Roll it off like
01:08:05.659 –> 01:08:09.079
water off a duck’s back, as opposed to a snowball
01:08:09.079 –> 01:08:13.820
around a hairball. Yeah. What else do you think
01:08:13.820 –> 01:08:17.279
about all of this? The other word that came up,
01:08:17.319 –> 01:08:21.079
what else? Envy. Envy isn’t necessarily resenting
01:08:21.079 –> 01:08:23.640
people, but it’s the same concept, the same idea,
01:08:23.800 –> 01:08:26.989
isn’t it? Well, it is. It’s exactly the same
01:08:26.989 –> 01:08:29.750
because someone else has a better advantage because
01:08:29.750 –> 01:08:31.789
of their position or whatever they did, either
01:08:31.789 –> 01:08:34.069
merit or whatever it was. Someone else has an
01:08:34.069 –> 01:08:36.829
advantage. I envy that position. You can be proud
01:08:36.829 –> 01:08:39.149
of them or happy for them. You don’t necessarily
01:08:39.149 –> 01:08:42.069
have to forgive envy. What’s the alternative
01:08:42.069 –> 01:08:45.890
to envy, then, if that’s… Gratitude. Gratitude.
01:08:45.890 –> 01:08:49.869
Be great. Happy for them. Yeah. Grateful. Grateful
01:08:49.869 –> 01:08:51.949
that you know them. You know that you know someone
01:08:51.949 –> 01:08:55.359
in that position. Yeah, but gratitude for what
01:08:55.359 –> 01:08:59.060
you have. Because envy is a comparison. Like,
01:08:59.060 –> 01:09:02.079
they have something I don’t have. I’m envious
01:09:02.079 –> 01:09:05.979
of whatever it is that they are or have that
01:09:05.979 –> 01:09:09.239
I am not. Well, right. And that’s the resentful
01:09:09.239 –> 01:09:11.800
side, too. I mean, resentful of this, the whites
01:09:11.800 –> 01:09:14.380
have this and the blacks don’t have this. And
01:09:14.380 –> 01:09:18.239
so I’m resentful. I envy that position. So now
01:09:18.239 –> 01:09:20.380
I’m going to put myself with reparations necessarily
01:09:20.380 –> 01:09:24.890
in that position. denigrate the whites. Is that
01:09:24.890 –> 01:09:28.890
kind of the same? It is. I think it’s a facet
01:09:28.890 –> 01:09:33.630
of it. I don’t think that you can have envy without
01:09:33.630 –> 01:09:36.229
resentment. Yeah, that’s right. Because if you
01:09:36.229 –> 01:09:39.010
envy someone, why do they have it and not me?
01:09:39.430 –> 01:09:41.409
You’re the victim. You’re victimizing yourself
01:09:41.409 –> 01:09:44.010
with that envy statement. That’s the only reason
01:09:44.010 –> 01:09:47.170
you can generate envy is because you feel victimized.
01:09:47.600 –> 01:09:50.159
In this zero -sum world, they have more, so I
01:09:50.159 –> 01:09:52.600
have less. And if they didn’t have more, I would
01:09:52.600 –> 01:09:56.619
have more. But that’s a false dichotomy. We’re
01:09:56.619 –> 01:09:59.020
not in the zero -sum world. So the fact that
01:09:59.020 –> 01:10:01.579
they succeeded, you envy them in their position.
01:10:02.000 –> 01:10:05.119
You just have to, yeah, you can feel bad about
01:10:05.119 –> 01:10:08.640
it. You can internalize it and receive stress
01:10:08.640 –> 01:10:12.300
by that envy and make your life worse. Or you
01:10:12.300 –> 01:10:18.819
can let it go. You forgive them. For being in
01:10:18.819 –> 01:10:23.300
a better situation or whatever. Having a hotter
01:10:23.300 –> 01:10:26.779
husband or, I don’t know, whatever. You forgive
01:10:26.779 –> 01:10:29.539
them for whatever it is that they have that you
01:10:29.539 –> 01:10:32.420
don’t have. Or a husband that actually does the
01:10:32.420 –> 01:10:38.260
dishes. And also you have gratitude for what
01:10:38.260 –> 01:10:42.680
you do have. Well, gratitude, and maybe it’s
01:10:42.680 –> 01:10:45.380
gratitude, so you’re accepting your acceptance.
01:10:46.140 –> 01:10:49.500
Gratitude is acceptance. No, I think gratitude
01:10:49.500 –> 01:10:57.000
is a proactive, it’s a thing that you do. Acceptance
01:10:57.000 –> 01:11:00.880
is like neutral, I think. It’s like, okay, well,
01:11:00.960 –> 01:11:03.220
I’m not upset about my situation anymore. But
01:11:03.220 –> 01:11:05.359
gratitude is like, actually, my situation is
01:11:05.359 –> 01:11:08.760
pretty great if I think about it. And if you
01:11:08.760 –> 01:11:11.119
think about it, does that have to come because
01:11:11.119 –> 01:11:13.039
you’re comparing to someone else that’s not as
01:11:13.039 –> 01:11:17.750
great? Yes, maybe. And that’s content. I think
01:11:17.750 –> 01:11:20.250
contentment instead of gratitude. I’m content
01:11:20.250 –> 01:11:22.829
with what I have. Grateful. I’m grateful for
01:11:22.829 –> 01:11:25.310
everything I have. So gratitude is still there.
01:11:25.590 –> 01:11:28.210
But I’m content with it also. I’m not envious
01:11:28.210 –> 01:11:31.289
of others because they have more or less than
01:11:31.289 –> 01:11:33.930
me. They have less problems than I have. I’m
01:11:33.930 –> 01:11:36.449
not envious of them for that. I’m content with
01:11:36.449 –> 01:11:39.529
my level of problem. I’m grateful for my level
01:11:39.529 –> 01:11:42.710
of problem. Maybe it’s all the same. No, I think
01:11:42.710 –> 01:11:46.090
gratitude is a bigger… A bigger idea than content
01:11:46.090 –> 01:11:50.850
and acceptance. We should talk about that another
01:11:50.850 –> 01:11:55.329
time because that’s a whole thing. Acceptance
01:11:55.329 –> 01:11:57.510
may be the first level of that. It’s a softer,
01:11:57.710 –> 01:12:02.810
it’s a move into it that’s on a spectrum. Gratitude
01:12:02.810 –> 01:12:06.289
is far down the road. Yeah. It’s like if you
01:12:06.289 –> 01:12:10.350
ever want to feel good, I watched a dry bar comedy
01:12:10.350 –> 01:12:13.270
thing about Walmart. Says, you ever want to feel
01:12:13.270 –> 01:12:17.350
good about yourself? Go to Walmart. You’ll see
01:12:17.350 –> 01:12:21.050
everybody in a less category than you. Right.
01:12:22.470 –> 01:12:25.689
That’s just the joke about Walmart. Yep. And
01:12:25.689 –> 01:12:28.270
it’s a joke because maybe it’s true. Likely it’s
01:12:28.270 –> 01:12:31.470
true. Yeah, especially at certain times of the
01:12:31.470 –> 01:12:35.810
day. 11 o’clock pm. Well, I mean, why are
01:12:35.810 –> 01:12:38.470
you shopping at 11 pm.? But the reason everybody
01:12:38.470 –> 01:12:41.850
else is, is because… No one will see me. Yeah.
01:12:42.609 –> 01:12:47.270
So resentment and envy, envy where I was going
01:12:47.270 –> 01:12:50.090
to a little bit. Envy, is it the opposite of
01:12:50.090 –> 01:12:52.229
resentment? I resent you because you did this.
01:12:52.250 –> 01:12:55.310
I envy you because I’m not, I haven’t done that
01:12:55.310 –> 01:12:58.689
yet. No, I mean, it’s, well, it’s not the opposite,
01:12:58.750 –> 01:13:04.609
but it’s adjacent to. Or a branch off of maybe.
01:13:04.670 –> 01:13:07.350
You don’t envy someone because they did something
01:13:07.350 –> 01:13:11.510
wrong to you. You envy someone. So you resent
01:13:11.510 –> 01:13:13.069
someone because they did something wrong to you
01:13:13.069 –> 01:13:16.970
that you felt offended by. You envy someone because
01:13:16.970 –> 01:13:20.989
you’re still offended by them. No, I think resentment
01:13:20.989 –> 01:13:23.630
doesn’t have to actually be because somebody
01:13:23.630 –> 01:13:27.199
did something that you’re offended by. It’s not
01:13:27.199 –> 01:13:29.340
that they did it consciously or unconsciously
01:13:29.340 –> 01:13:32.079
or they did something. Maybe they are something.
01:13:32.619 –> 01:13:36.699
You could resent the fact that Warren Buffett
01:13:36.699 –> 01:13:41.239
is so wealthy and doesn’t, I mean, you’re envious
01:13:41.239 –> 01:13:44.039
of his position. But I wouldn’t be there. I mean,
01:13:44.060 –> 01:13:46.380
envious is that you want to be there in his place.
01:13:46.600 –> 01:13:50.560
You would like to be in his place. Envious. Resentment
01:13:50.560 –> 01:13:54.399
is, I don’t know why he would even want to do
01:13:54.399 –> 01:13:56.550
that. Why would someone want billions of dollars?
01:13:56.729 –> 01:14:00.289
That’s so stupid. I don’t know. I mean, I was
01:14:00.289 –> 01:14:07.010
thinking envy is a part of being resentful. You
01:14:07.010 –> 01:14:09.449
envy the family that has the nice house. How
01:14:09.449 –> 01:14:11.630
could they have a nice house and mine is trash?
01:14:12.229 –> 01:14:15.550
Well, right. Yeah, that’s what envy is. But don’t
01:14:15.550 –> 01:14:18.550
you also have resentment for that family because
01:14:18.550 –> 01:14:21.810
you are envious of them? Do you resent them?
01:14:22.380 –> 01:14:24.760
because they have no fun in their house. It’s
01:14:24.760 –> 01:14:28.979
always clean. No. Would you be friends with them?
01:14:29.340 –> 01:14:32.119
You’d fear that they resented you. If you live
01:14:32.119 –> 01:14:34.340
in a trash heap and they live in a nice house,
01:14:34.579 –> 01:14:36.340
you wouldn’t be friends with them because you’re
01:14:36.340 –> 01:14:38.239
fearing they’re going to resent you because they
01:14:38.239 –> 01:14:40.520
can’t come over. I can’t invite them over because
01:14:40.520 –> 01:14:43.539
they’ll see my kitchen and I’ve seen their kitchen
01:14:43.539 –> 01:14:46.680
and they’re going to resent me. So now I resent
01:14:46.680 –> 01:14:49.699
them because they’re going to resent me. They’re
01:14:49.699 –> 01:14:52.390
judgmental. So where does judgment have to do
01:14:52.390 –> 01:14:54.510
with this? You’ve got to judge your resentments
01:14:54.510 –> 01:14:58.010
or your envies. Judging other people, judging
01:14:58.010 –> 01:15:00.810
situations. I mean, it’s something we’re all
01:15:00.810 –> 01:15:03.510
doing, but the best thing to do is to judge it
01:15:03.510 –> 01:15:07.829
fairly instead of with your own. What is it?
01:15:07.850 –> 01:15:12.710
Your own. What is the bad version of your personality?
01:15:13.310 –> 01:15:18.529
Your own failures, but not that word. Your biases.
01:15:19.159 –> 01:15:21.720
Your own biases, but that’s not the word I’m
01:15:21.720 –> 01:15:23.979
looking for. That’s not it. It’s a good word.
01:15:24.840 –> 01:15:29.520
Your own stupidity. That’s a good word. Yeah,
01:15:29.579 –> 01:15:33.279
that’s good enough. So your biases and your stupidity,
01:15:33.300 –> 01:15:37.100
like these things you’re judging, judge fairly
01:15:37.100 –> 01:15:41.140
rather than unfairly based on your own prejudices.
01:15:41.140 –> 01:15:43.380
But that doesn’t make any sense because that’s
01:15:43.380 –> 01:15:46.699
part of the judging process. Pre -judging. Pre
01:15:46.699 –> 01:15:50.470
-judging, yeah. If you’re judging your neighbor’s
01:15:50.470 –> 01:15:54.310
fancy house unfairly, you’re envious of them.
01:15:54.350 –> 01:15:56.729
Maybe you’re not envious of them. Maybe you’re
01:15:56.729 –> 01:16:00.729
like, I would hate to live in that house. I resent
01:16:00.729 –> 01:16:04.390
them for even moving in, though, because, I mean,
01:16:04.409 –> 01:16:06.670
I don’t know. Maybe resentment and envy aren’t
01:16:06.670 –> 01:16:11.069
so closely tied as I was thinking. Well, they
01:16:11.069 –> 01:16:14.229
are and they’re not, I’m sure. Yeah. And I introduced
01:16:14.229 –> 01:16:17.350
the word judgment. Judgment, you do have to judge
01:16:17.350 –> 01:16:18.810
what you’re going to resent and what you’re going
01:16:18.810 –> 01:16:21.569
to forgive. You got to forgive. It’s a choice.
01:16:21.850 –> 01:16:24.510
Your judgment is really just your choice. Okay.
01:16:24.750 –> 01:16:27.449
You’re going to choose to envy or not envy. There
01:16:27.449 –> 01:16:29.989
was a song when I was a kid, don’t envy the boy
01:16:29.989 –> 01:16:32.609
with the cheerful smile, just get one. Don’t
01:16:32.609 –> 01:16:35.470
envy the – Just get one. Something. Just do it
01:16:35.470 –> 01:16:37.770
yourself. Step up and actually motivate yourself
01:16:37.770 –> 01:16:40.050
to do something. If you see something you like,
01:16:40.229 –> 01:16:42.789
instead of envying it and shunning away from
01:16:42.789 –> 01:16:46.619
it, grow to it. Let yourself do that. You know,
01:16:46.619 –> 01:16:48.800
find a way to put your house in that condition
01:16:48.800 –> 01:16:51.079
of their house. Just start working on something.
01:16:51.460 –> 01:16:54.180
So that’s the point of that don’t envy song.
01:16:54.260 –> 01:16:56.880
So if you’re envying something, just step up
01:16:56.880 –> 01:16:59.819
and do something about it. Judgment. And part
01:16:59.819 –> 01:17:02.000
of this book too. So Jordan Peterson’s book,
01:17:02.039 –> 01:17:04.319
there was an earlier idea. He talks about the
01:17:04.319 –> 01:17:06.600
availability heuristic. I think I mentioned that
01:17:06.600 –> 01:17:10.680
to you before. The heuristics is, what is heuristics?
01:17:11.039 –> 01:17:14.930
What is a heuristic? Is it? A trial of something.
01:17:15.090 –> 01:17:18.850
Heuristic definition. Involving or enabling discovery
01:17:18.850 –> 01:17:21.569
or problem solving through methods such as experimentation,
01:17:22.069 –> 01:17:24.750
evaluation, trial and error. So it’s trying things
01:17:24.750 –> 01:17:27.989
out. Okay. So it’s an evaluation of something
01:17:27.989 –> 01:17:30.189
based on what you’re thinking. So that’s kind
01:17:30.189 –> 01:17:32.590
of judgment. You’re making judgments based on
01:17:32.590 –> 01:17:36.069
your heuristics of the situation. So the availability
01:17:36.069 –> 01:17:41.149
heuristic is a specific tendency that’s in. Carl
01:17:41.149 –> 01:17:43.840
Jung wrote about it. Apparently. And so availability
01:17:43.840 –> 01:17:47.319
heuristic saying there’s a tendency that if the
01:17:47.319 –> 01:17:49.340
answer comes quickly, it’s kind of like Occam’s
01:17:49.340 –> 01:17:53.279
razor too, I think. What is Occam’s razor? It
01:17:53.279 –> 01:17:56.020
says if it comes easily, then you think that
01:17:56.020 –> 01:17:58.859
it’s true. Yeah, that’s related to Occam’s razor.
01:17:59.199 –> 01:18:02.220
The most obvious answer is likely the one that’s
01:18:02.220 –> 01:18:05.180
appropriate. Right. Is that Occam’s razor? Yeah,
01:18:05.260 –> 01:18:08.920
you shave, you raise, you cut off the things
01:18:08.920 –> 01:18:13.960
that are harder to accept. Yeah. the more steps
01:18:13.960 –> 01:18:16.859
more steps to make happen you you take those
01:18:16.859 –> 01:18:20.220
options away and it’s it’s likely it’s most likely
01:18:20.220 –> 01:18:23.460
the thing that happened with the least amount
01:18:23.460 –> 01:18:25.840
of work yeah the simplest exclamation with the
01:18:25.840 –> 01:18:27.920
fewest assumptions is usually the best one to
01:18:27.920 –> 01:18:29.979
start with that’s how comes right to start with
01:18:29.979 –> 01:18:32.300
the simplest thing you can do that doesn’t mean
01:18:32.300 –> 01:18:35.039
it’s the most true so what jung was saying is
01:18:35.039 –> 01:18:37.300
just because that’s where you start doesn’t mean
01:18:37.300 –> 01:18:40.119
that’s the most true So Occam’s razor doesn’t
01:18:40.119 –> 01:18:41.699
say that that’s most true either. It just says
01:18:41.699 –> 01:18:43.619
that’s the best place to start is the simplest
01:18:43.619 –> 01:18:45.760
place. And then you’re building onto that. You
01:18:45.760 –> 01:18:47.399
might as well not start with the one that takes
01:18:47.399 –> 01:18:50.020
you five weeks to get into. Start with the one
01:18:50.020 –> 01:18:52.140
you could start today. So that’s the idea of
01:18:52.140 –> 01:18:54.500
Occam’s razor. Okay. Availability heuristic says
01:18:54.500 –> 01:18:57.500
it’s not necessarily true. It says the proclivity
01:18:57.500 –> 01:18:59.859
of a perceiver or thinker to judge the credibility
01:18:59.859 –> 01:19:01.920
of a claim on how quickly and easily it springs
01:19:01.920 –> 01:19:04.239
to mind. So that’s the availability heuristic.
01:19:04.729 –> 01:19:06.710
How easily or quickly it springs to mind. So
01:19:06.710 –> 01:19:08.670
that’s kind of like we talked about dreams. I
01:19:08.670 –> 01:19:11.550
was thinking on this respect. Dreams aren’t necessarily
01:19:11.550 –> 01:19:14.130
true just because they easily came to you in
01:19:14.130 –> 01:19:16.829
the night. You still have to work through it.
01:19:17.109 –> 01:19:20.590
So now he’s giving this, and this is part of
01:19:20.590 –> 01:19:22.829
the wrestle with God. He’s giving this as what
01:19:22.829 –> 01:19:24.789
we should be wrestling with when we get a dream
01:19:24.789 –> 01:19:28.949
or a simple answer. Don’t automatically think
01:19:28.949 –> 01:19:31.310
it’s true. He said we must be willing to let
01:19:31.310 –> 01:19:35.050
counterproductive ideas die. So that’s our judgment.
01:19:35.090 –> 01:19:37.810
Our judgment needs to identify the productivity
01:19:37.810 –> 01:19:41.729
of an idea or a thought or a dream or a result
01:19:41.729 –> 01:19:45.430
of our testing. Okay. If it’s counterproductive,
01:19:45.430 –> 01:19:48.470
we have to be willing to let it die. And he talks
01:19:48.470 –> 01:19:51.050
a couple of pages about that, different things.
01:19:51.430 –> 01:19:54.109
And then he has this other statement at the end,
01:19:54.149 –> 01:19:58.390
the warning against letting your ideas die. You
01:19:58.390 –> 01:20:00.430
have to choose to let your ideas die. Let that
01:20:00.430 –> 01:20:02.909
idea die. Don’t think about it anymore. He says
01:20:02.909 –> 01:20:06.729
the death of a guiding idea produces disorientation
01:20:06.729 –> 01:20:09.850
on the way to enlightenment. You have to identify
01:20:09.850 –> 01:20:12.250
whether your ideas deserve to die, that they’re
01:20:12.250 –> 01:20:15.069
nonproductive, or that they potentially could
01:20:15.069 –> 01:20:18.409
be guiding on your way to enlightenment. If you’re
01:20:18.409 –> 01:20:21.489
seeking for knowledge, you don’t want to throw
01:20:21.489 –> 01:20:23.109
the baby out with the bathwater. You want to
01:20:23.109 –> 01:20:25.210
identify what the bathwater is, let that die,
01:20:25.369 –> 01:20:29.229
identify the baby, and keep it. Okay. So that’s
01:20:29.229 –> 01:20:30.970
judgment. That’s where judgment has to play.
01:20:31.529 –> 01:20:36.130
You can’t kill all ideas. So you can’t also maybe
01:20:36.130 –> 01:20:40.630
not envy all things. If envy brings you motivation,
01:20:41.310 –> 01:20:45.069
I think envy is a great thing. Envy that if it
01:20:45.069 –> 01:20:47.869
motivates you. Yeah. So what about resentment?
01:20:48.029 –> 01:20:50.989
Can resentment be productive? Well, like any
01:20:50.989 –> 01:20:55.470
stories, the protagonist in a story is very valuable.
01:20:55.649 –> 01:20:58.670
That’s the reason the story exists. So if something
01:20:58.670 –> 01:21:00.810
brings something to your feeling that’s hurtful,
01:21:01.210 –> 01:21:04.329
and harmful. That was an appropriate feeling.
01:21:04.789 –> 01:21:07.189
That’s why forgiveness is the second step. You
01:21:07.189 –> 01:21:09.350
are going to resent. So I think resentment is
01:21:09.350 –> 01:21:12.909
not, you can’t live life without resentment.
01:21:13.189 –> 01:21:17.649
You can’t have life. We can’t have forgiveness
01:21:17.649 –> 01:21:19.430
unless there was something to forgive in the
01:21:19.430 –> 01:21:22.630
first place. Right. That was, who was it that
01:21:22.630 –> 01:21:24.890
we talked about that lady that she said that
01:21:24.890 –> 01:21:28.939
earlier? She was a rabbi. something, giving a
01:21:28.939 –> 01:21:32.460
speech. And what she had indicated was in order
01:21:32.460 –> 01:21:35.140
to forgive, you had to have a wrong. You had
01:21:35.140 –> 01:21:37.460
to have done something. To be forgiven, you had
01:21:37.460 –> 01:21:40.399
to have created a wrong. You had to hurt somebody.
01:21:40.819 –> 01:21:43.359
If we can just avoid the hurting of people, then
01:21:43.359 –> 01:21:46.039
forgiveness is a moot point. You don’t have to
01:21:46.039 –> 01:21:48.460
forgive if you don’t hurt anybody. You don’t
01:21:48.460 –> 01:21:50.880
have to be forgiven if you don’t hurt anybody.
01:21:51.300 –> 01:21:53.819
So why can’t we live our life like Benjamin Franklin
01:21:53.819 –> 01:21:56.390
and his virtues? If I see that it’s better to
01:21:56.390 –> 01:21:58.149
live this way than that, why would I not try
01:21:58.149 –> 01:22:00.930
to live this way more entirely and not do that
01:22:00.930 –> 01:22:03.609
at all? So you don’t need forgiveness if you
01:22:03.609 –> 01:22:06.670
live this way entirely. If you live a righteous,
01:22:06.850 –> 01:22:09.810
virtuous life, there’s no need to be forgiven
01:22:09.810 –> 01:22:13.069
or to forgive others. But there is disparity
01:22:13.069 –> 01:22:16.609
in life. He said it’s common. There is differences.
01:22:17.229 –> 01:22:20.890
As those come about, someone’s going to run into
01:22:20.890 –> 01:22:25.210
your car and break your… nice beautiful vehicle
01:22:25.210 –> 01:22:27.449
and you can resent that for the rest of your
01:22:27.449 –> 01:22:29.329
life or you can tell it as a really good story
01:22:29.329 –> 01:22:33.050
and say we learned this from it and i got a new
01:22:33.050 –> 01:22:38.069
car i got another truck whatever or maybe i i
01:22:38.069 –> 01:22:40.430
was never able to get a car again because that
01:22:40.430 –> 01:22:44.590
i i lost my job because of that there was nothing
01:22:44.590 –> 01:22:46.729
else i could do like maybe my legs got broken
01:22:46.729 –> 01:22:49.630
as well and so like all of now i’m on welfare
01:22:49.630 –> 01:22:54.369
and like can What if life really did get really,
01:22:54.430 –> 01:22:56.149
really bad because someone ran into your car
01:22:56.149 –> 01:22:58.289
that didn’t kill you? It would have been most
01:22:58.289 –> 01:23:00.390
ideal if they just killed you and you didn’t
01:23:00.390 –> 01:23:02.850
have to deal with stuff anymore. But they put
01:23:02.850 –> 01:23:04.729
you in the hospital for six months and now you’re
01:23:04.729 –> 01:23:08.810
ridden with medical debt. And I don’t know. Right.
01:23:09.189 –> 01:23:11.850
And those situations occur. And that’s just one
01:23:11.850 –> 01:23:13.729
of those differences in life. You happen to be
01:23:13.729 –> 01:23:17.090
the person at that side of the vehicle that the
01:23:17.090 –> 01:23:20.390
car hit. Now you have no legs and one arm. You
01:23:20.390 –> 01:23:22.989
have one arm now. And you can’t work. There’s
01:23:22.989 –> 01:23:26.970
nothing. And you were 60 anyway, and so you had
01:23:26.970 –> 01:23:29.250
seven years left of work, but now you can’t.
01:23:29.729 –> 01:23:32.470
And now you are a ward of the state. It’s a good
01:23:32.470 –> 01:23:34.289
thing you’re a United States citizen and they’re
01:23:34.289 –> 01:23:38.630
not going to send you back to Venezuela. Silver
01:23:38.630 –> 01:23:41.470
linings. Where is the silver lining in that?
01:23:41.529 –> 01:23:44.729
That’s the gratitude, right? Yeah. Silver linings,
01:23:44.750 –> 01:23:46.770
you’re talking about gratitude for your situation.
01:23:47.350 –> 01:23:49.550
And if you always try to identify that, you’re
01:23:49.550 –> 01:23:51.890
not going to be holding as much stress. Right.
01:23:52.289 –> 01:23:54.010
Yeah, you’re looking for the silver linings of
01:23:54.010 –> 01:23:57.090
your life. Acceptance of it. Silver lining is
01:23:57.090 –> 01:24:00.409
bigger than acceptance. Acceptance is, I’m here,
01:24:00.489 –> 01:24:03.449
I’m content. The silver lining is, this is why
01:24:03.449 –> 01:24:05.510
I’m content and this is why I’m happier. I’m
01:24:05.510 –> 01:24:07.130
happier because you have a silver lining, because
01:24:07.130 –> 01:24:09.729
you have a gratitude. You’re happier. And because
01:24:09.729 –> 01:24:12.930
you’re happier, medically, through all the studies,
01:24:13.029 –> 01:24:15.390
your cells are operating better because you’re
01:24:15.390 –> 01:24:18.819
happier. You don’t have the stress. Your system
01:24:18.819 –> 01:24:22.220
is going to battle and live better. Because your
01:24:22.220 –> 01:24:25.340
cells can hear your attitude. Yeah. Your brain
01:24:25.340 –> 01:24:27.399
believes, your body believes what you tell it.
01:24:28.579 –> 01:24:31.640
And you can have happy white blood cells or angry
01:24:31.640 –> 01:24:33.600
white blood cells, stressed white blood cells.
01:24:33.760 –> 01:24:35.800
If you have happy ones, they do their job much
01:24:35.800 –> 01:24:38.760
faster, much easier. They still only live two
01:24:38.760 –> 01:24:43.659
days, but their job is done better. Yeah. It’s
01:24:43.659 –> 01:24:47.199
a better two days. Envy, motivation. Yeah, so
01:24:47.199 –> 01:24:50.579
we talked about resentment is going to happen.
01:24:50.920 –> 01:24:53.100
You’re going to have resentful situations come
01:24:53.100 –> 01:24:55.600
up that you could potentially exacerbate the
01:24:55.600 –> 01:24:57.659
resentment or you can forgive it immediately.
01:24:58.180 –> 01:25:01.020
And so you’d be better off forgiving it and living
01:25:01.020 –> 01:25:04.399
in that side of life as opposed to holding resentment,
01:25:04.680 –> 01:25:07.619
holding a grudge, holding everything from the
01:25:07.619 –> 01:25:10.859
past in your present life. Forgiveness is just
01:25:10.859 –> 01:25:12.920
taking it out of your present life, saying, yeah,
01:25:12.920 –> 01:25:15.609
that’s in the past now. It was bad. It’s a story.
01:25:15.670 –> 01:25:18.029
The protagonist is still there. The evil still
01:25:18.029 –> 01:25:21.170
happened in the past, but I’m forgiving it. I’m
01:25:21.170 –> 01:25:23.270
not going to carry it with me still. I think
01:25:23.270 –> 01:25:27.850
that’s another major factor of forgiveness is
01:25:27.850 –> 01:25:32.609
you’re giving it back. You’re proactively giving
01:25:32.609 –> 01:25:35.710
it to the past. You’re not going to carry it
01:25:35.710 –> 01:25:38.289
to the forward with you. So rather than the religious
01:25:38.289 –> 01:25:41.989
faction of it, you’ve got the linear faction
01:25:41.989 –> 01:25:45.210
of it. You’re just going to… cut off any carrying
01:25:45.210 –> 01:25:48.789
of that idea into the future. It’s going to stay
01:25:48.789 –> 01:25:50.970
in the past. It’s part of my really good story
01:25:50.970 –> 01:25:54.890
about my car being broken, but it’s no longer
01:25:54.890 –> 01:25:58.130
bothering me. I don’t carry it. And I can say
01:25:58.130 –> 01:26:00.649
I don’t resent it. I don’t resent the person
01:26:00.649 –> 01:26:03.229
for doing it. I don’t resent the road for being
01:26:03.229 –> 01:26:05.550
in the condition it was. I don’t resent the way
01:26:05.550 –> 01:26:10.310
they designed the structure of the road to cause
01:26:10.310 –> 01:26:13.520
that to occur. Whatever the cause was, I don’t
01:26:13.520 –> 01:26:17.199
resent any of it. I’m just now living forward.
01:26:17.600 –> 01:26:21.880
Okay, so are we saying that this is the best
01:26:21.880 –> 01:26:24.939
way to live? The best way. Is this the only way?
01:26:24.979 –> 01:26:28.539
Yeah. Is this the only way to move forward? Is
01:26:28.539 –> 01:26:32.520
to let go of resentment. That makes us sophists
01:26:32.520 –> 01:26:36.239
in that respect. Makes me a sophist by promoting
01:26:36.239 –> 01:26:39.359
that that’s the way to live. Right. Is that the
01:26:39.359 –> 01:26:42.689
right way to do that? Well, what’s an alternative?
01:26:42.890 –> 01:26:46.489
A third option. Is there a third option to dealing
01:26:46.489 –> 01:26:50.270
with resentment? You hold resentment or you forgive
01:26:50.270 –> 01:26:54.609
or you… What else could you do? What is in
01:26:54.609 –> 01:26:59.270
The Lion King when he hits him on the head? Yeah,
01:26:59.329 –> 01:27:02.390
you can something or you can learn from it. What
01:27:02.390 –> 01:27:05.770
is the first part of that? Rafiki hits Simba on
01:27:05.770 –> 01:27:09.789
the head and said, ow. Okay, you have to, I don’t,
01:27:09.789 –> 01:27:12.329
I don’t know. You can run from it. That’s what
01:27:12.329 –> 01:27:14.369
it is. Yeah, you can run from it or you can learn
01:27:14.369 –> 01:27:17.829
from it. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So maybe that’s the
01:27:17.829 –> 01:27:20.250
other thing with resentment. You can run from
01:27:20.250 –> 01:27:22.710
resentment. We’re talking about learning from
01:27:22.710 –> 01:27:24.489
it. I don’t know if we’re talking about learning
01:27:24.489 –> 01:27:25.869
from it either. Maybe those are two different
01:27:25.869 –> 01:27:29.470
things you could do with resentment. Well, learning
01:27:29.470 –> 01:27:32.310
from it would be the not forgetting part. You
01:27:32.310 –> 01:27:35.090
forgive, but you don’t forget. You can build
01:27:35.090 –> 01:27:38.470
appropriate boundaries. Right. So that’s learning
01:27:38.470 –> 01:27:41.829
from it. running from it maybe would that be
01:27:41.829 –> 01:27:45.069
forgiving and forgetting yeah that might be like
01:27:45.069 –> 01:27:48.090
like the stonewalling thing the stonewall you
01:27:48.090 –> 01:27:49.890
put it you run from it you say i’m never going
01:27:49.890 –> 01:27:52.029
to think about that again that’s just completely
01:27:52.029 –> 01:27:56.489
out of my life yeah forgive and forget run from
01:27:56.489 –> 01:27:59.869
it and yeah the stonewall boundary that’s how
01:27:59.869 –> 01:28:02.689
you run from something you say there’s no heber
01:28:03.359 –> 01:28:05.920
That name, anyone named Heber, any place named
01:28:05.920 –> 01:28:08.180
Heber, any galaxy named Heber, I’m not going
01:28:08.180 –> 01:28:10.520
to have any part of. If there’s an angel that
01:28:10.520 –> 01:28:12.420
comes to me and says his name’s Heber, I’m not
01:28:12.420 –> 01:28:17.600
listening. So that stonewall, you’re running
01:28:17.600 –> 01:28:19.899
from it. You’re saying, I was hit by that stick
01:28:19.899 –> 01:28:22.859
and it’s never going to touch me again. Yeah.
01:28:22.880 –> 01:28:27.520
Is it possible that stonewalling is just as good
01:28:27.520 –> 01:28:33.519
a solution as forgiving? And yet. remembering,
01:28:33.519 –> 01:28:36.800
not forgetting. And let’s use the political environment
01:28:36.800 –> 01:28:40.020
here. Somalia, if someone stonewalled Somalia
01:28:40.020 –> 01:28:44.119
and moved to the U .S., that would mean that
01:28:44.119 –> 01:28:46.659
you’re going to move in and become a U .S. citizen
01:28:46.659 –> 01:28:50.180
and you’re not going to revere Somalia anymore.
01:28:50.380 –> 01:28:53.079
Right. As opposed to what’s happening in many
01:28:53.079 –> 01:28:56.460
communities, as I hear in the news anyway, in
01:28:56.460 –> 01:28:59.159
Minnesota, the Somalian communities who are trying
01:28:59.159 –> 01:29:02.729
to bring Somalia to the U .S. and revere their
01:29:02.729 –> 01:29:05.770
home country and want to bring your diversity,
01:29:05.869 –> 01:29:10.369
your culture to be the U .S. culture. And that
01:29:10.369 –> 01:29:13.750
Somalia, that’s just a recent name. But any of
01:29:13.750 –> 01:29:16.369
them, I mean, in Minnesota when I was there,
01:29:16.390 –> 01:29:20.409
it was the Danish. Whatever group eclectically
01:29:20.409 –> 01:29:24.090
holds together and just they are who they are.
01:29:24.449 –> 01:29:28.250
The Swedes, I forget what it was. There were
01:29:28.250 –> 01:29:31.439
areas of town that was just… encompassed by
01:29:31.439 –> 01:29:34.439
that group. And they hold together, they band
01:29:34.439 –> 01:29:36.539
together and make their own community. There’s
01:29:36.539 –> 01:29:40.939
a place here close to us that’s just in the middle
01:29:40.939 –> 01:29:45.340
of a metropolitan area that is a Mexico society
01:29:45.340 –> 01:29:49.239
with goats and animals walking the streets. And
01:29:49.239 –> 01:29:51.560
the city doesn’t do anything about it. It’s just
01:29:51.560 –> 01:29:54.739
completely open. It’s a 10 block area or something.
01:29:54.899 –> 01:29:58.149
And I think it has a name. I did happen to work
01:29:58.149 –> 01:30:00.829
with goats once and I delivered, yeah, little
01:30:00.829 –> 01:30:03.590
Mexico. I delivered a goat into the area and
01:30:03.590 –> 01:30:06.170
it was surprising to me that it was, you know,
01:30:06.189 –> 01:30:08.609
not really fences. People, it’s just a community,
01:30:08.750 –> 01:30:12.409
but there were animals everywhere. Right in the
01:30:12.409 –> 01:30:15.909
middle of town. It was interesting that the rules
01:30:15.909 –> 01:30:18.430
that applied across the freeway didn’t apparently
01:30:18.430 –> 01:30:23.289
apply on this side. Interesting. So they didn’t
01:30:23.289 –> 01:30:26.939
forget where they came from. They remember where
01:30:26.939 –> 01:30:28.920
they came from and they brought that with them.
01:30:29.239 –> 01:30:32.560
They didn’t stonewall Mexico. So they like what’s
01:30:32.560 –> 01:30:35.039
good about the area to move to. And how does
01:30:35.039 –> 01:30:37.199
that relate to the third? We were talking about
01:30:37.199 –> 01:30:40.439
a third way of treating things. A third way of
01:30:40.439 –> 01:30:43.680
dealing with resentment. Did they resent anything?
01:30:43.960 –> 01:30:45.920
I mean, why would someone leave Mexico if they
01:30:45.920 –> 01:30:47.920
want to move it up here? They resented maybe
01:30:47.920 –> 01:30:50.279
the government. And now they know I’m under a
01:30:50.279 –> 01:30:52.119
better government. I can live the way I want
01:30:52.119 –> 01:30:55.890
and I don’t have to pay the cartels. Yeah, if
01:30:55.890 –> 01:30:58.590
you don’t like it, then leave it, right? The
01:30:58.590 –> 01:31:01.149
thing you left wasn’t necessarily animals in
01:31:01.149 –> 01:31:03.670
the street. So I’m glad that the community I’m
01:31:03.670 –> 01:31:06.529
moving into allows animals in the street, even
01:31:06.529 –> 01:31:08.930
though in the next neighborhood, there are no
01:31:08.930 –> 01:31:11.550
animals allowed in the street. Leash laws are
01:31:11.550 –> 01:31:18.369
enforced, and farm animals inside of a residential
01:31:18.369 –> 01:31:21.270
area is enforced, that you can’t have them. But
01:31:21.270 –> 01:31:24.949
in this area, you can have both of those. No
01:31:24.949 –> 01:31:27.789
leashes and farm animals. Yeah, okay, so is that
01:31:27.789 –> 01:31:34.289
just as good? Forgiveness is not the only very
01:31:34.289 –> 01:31:37.670
best way to deal with resentment, maybe because
01:31:37.670 –> 01:31:40.409
that’s what those people are doing in Little
01:31:40.409 –> 01:31:46.689
Mexico. But maybe like how our ancestors did
01:31:46.689 –> 01:31:52.270
it on, like, okay, so I have ancestry in German.
01:31:52.960 –> 01:31:57.199
Germany and Sweden and Norway, probably like,
01:31:57.260 –> 01:31:59.800
you know, it’s very European. I’ve got a lot
01:31:59.800 –> 01:32:03.060
of European ancestry. And Portugal. And I don’t
01:32:03.060 –> 01:32:06.420
do anything. I have like no traditions that are
01:32:06.420 –> 01:32:10.840
from those very specific places in my life. It’s
01:32:10.840 –> 01:32:14.140
like I’ve stonewalled as it’s a generational
01:32:14.140 –> 01:32:17.720
stonewall, right? Is where we’re fully Western
01:32:17.720 –> 01:32:20.539
United States Americans. And that’s how we live.
01:32:21.420 –> 01:32:26.079
Right. Except for the periodic Dia de los Muertos.
01:32:26.579 –> 01:32:29.720
Every now and then we have Day of the Dead, and
01:32:29.720 –> 01:32:31.680
sometimes we call it Day of the Dead, and sometimes
01:32:31.680 –> 01:32:35.659
we call it Dia de los Muertos. We celebrate Christmas.
01:32:36.220 –> 01:32:41.220
That’s a Germanic holiday. It wasn’t something
01:32:41.220 –> 01:32:43.819
the Native Americans, where we live, there used
01:32:43.819 –> 01:32:47.619
to be a heavy Native American presence, but we
01:32:47.619 –> 01:32:51.439
didn’t adopt their holidays when we… settled
01:32:51.439 –> 01:32:55.079
this area. So we didn’t stonewall certain pagan
01:32:55.079 –> 01:32:58.399
rituals, and we invited them into our current
01:32:58.399 –> 01:33:01.899
society. And we still operate with that. Certain
01:33:01.899 –> 01:33:06.380
archetypical stories we hold on to and keep.
01:33:06.720 –> 01:33:11.380
Maybe stonewalling isn’t as good as forgiveness
01:33:11.380 –> 01:33:15.260
and moving forward. Forgiveness, you’re still
01:33:15.260 –> 01:33:16.939
going to, I mean, if you forgive it, you’re still
01:33:16.939 –> 01:33:19.140
going to learn from it. So that’s still learning
01:33:19.140 –> 01:33:20.479
from something. You’re going to forget it. You’re
01:33:20.479 –> 01:33:21.899
just not going to carry it forward with you.
01:33:21.939 –> 01:33:24.640
You’re not going to carry any resentment, any
01:33:24.640 –> 01:33:27.659
stress going into the future. But you’re going
01:33:27.659 –> 01:33:30.220
to remember that it was part of your story. Yeah.
01:33:30.659 –> 01:33:33.319
And you learn from it. To learn from it is to
01:33:33.319 –> 01:33:36.060
forgive it, I think. Yeah. And that’s what it’s
01:33:36.060 –> 01:33:38.640
got to be, even Rafiki and Simba. If you learn
01:33:38.640 –> 01:33:41.840
from it, you’re going to still talk to me. I’m
01:33:41.840 –> 01:33:43.380
not your enemy because I hit you on the head
01:33:43.380 –> 01:33:46.000
with a stick. You’re working still in the community,
01:33:46.000 –> 01:33:48.329
in the relationship. If you run from it and I
01:33:48.329 –> 01:33:50.390
become your arch enemy because I hit you in the
01:33:50.390 –> 01:33:53.109
head with a stick, then that’s not the right
01:33:53.109 –> 01:33:56.270
way to operate. So is it the right way to operate?
01:33:56.609 –> 01:34:00.350
Can we, gosh, identifying the ideas that are
01:34:00.350 –> 01:34:03.909
beneficial to your enlightenment, that’s got
01:34:03.909 –> 01:34:06.390
to be the way to operate, as opposed to those
01:34:06.390 –> 01:34:10.069
that would be nonproductive. You let the ideas
01:34:10.069 –> 01:34:13.189
die that are nonproductive. It’s nonproductive
01:34:13.189 –> 01:34:16.430
to put up a stone wall inside of your family.
01:34:17.979 –> 01:34:21.520
inside of the two -generation family that we
01:34:21.520 –> 01:34:25.260
live in. Three generations. Obviously, it wouldn’t
01:34:25.260 –> 01:34:27.659
be a good thing to put up a stone wall in that.
01:34:28.100 –> 01:34:33.439
Okay. So, we’ve identified there is one right
01:34:33.439 –> 01:34:36.659
way to deal with resentment. With forgiveness.
01:34:37.060 –> 01:34:39.300
Is that the right way? That’s the right way.
01:34:39.399 –> 01:34:41.680
Learning from it. Forgiving and learning from
01:34:41.680 –> 01:34:44.579
it. And moving forward without the stress of
01:34:44.579 –> 01:34:48.659
holding on to it. There you go. Okay. Well, that’s
01:34:48.659 –> 01:34:50.939
it. Now we could explain that to a fourth grader
01:34:50.939 –> 01:34:55.359
just fine. And that means we understand it well
01:34:55.359 –> 01:34:59.159
enough to agree. [Addendum] So we talked about resentment,
01:34:59.199 –> 01:35:01.359
about how to solve it, how to get out of it,
01:35:01.399 –> 01:35:03.739
and really how forgiveness is the way to get.
01:35:04.020 –> 01:35:06.479
It’s the only way out of resentment is you have
01:35:06.479 –> 01:35:08.359
to forgive. And the thing you’re forgiving is
01:35:08.359 –> 01:35:12.340
that your expectations were offended. You expected
01:35:12.340 –> 01:35:15.939
something and then you resent it. But I never,
01:35:16.020 –> 01:35:18.119
didn’t really discuss, we didn’t really discuss
01:35:18.119 –> 01:35:20.500
the path of it. Why we wouldn’t want to go down
01:35:20.500 –> 01:35:23.619
the resentment path. So we talked about how to
01:35:23.619 –> 01:35:25.800
get away from it, but not necessarily what it
01:35:25.800 –> 01:35:28.180
leads to. Generally in our lives, we want to
01:35:28.180 –> 01:35:30.199
advance to something. We want to progress. We
01:35:30.199 –> 01:35:32.819
want to move forward. And we’re moving forward
01:35:32.819 –> 01:35:34.399
on our path. We’re trying to get better and better.
01:35:35.340 –> 01:35:37.819
But with resentment, if you get better and better
01:35:37.819 –> 01:35:39.600
at resentment, where does that lead you? It’s
01:35:39.600 –> 01:35:41.819
an up that doesn’t necessarily go up. It’s a
01:35:41.819 –> 01:35:43.460
path that doesn’t necessarily lead up. It leads
01:35:43.460 –> 01:35:45.899
down. So I want to go through what that path
01:35:45.899 –> 01:35:49.859
is. That’s what makes sense. You have expectations,
01:35:50.100 –> 01:35:52.300
and if they’re not met, and that upsets you,
01:35:52.380 –> 01:35:56.220
you get resentment. So from resentment, the next
01:35:56.220 –> 01:35:57.939
thing that rolls to, and it’s not that we’re
01:35:57.939 –> 01:36:00.760
afraid of this path. What we are is we have faith
01:36:00.760 –> 01:36:02.840
that the path leads this direction. So I want
01:36:02.840 –> 01:36:05.699
to point out the direction that path leads, regardless
01:36:05.699 –> 01:36:08.449
whether you want to go it or not. We have faith
01:36:08.449 –> 01:36:10.710
and confidence that if you start down this path,
01:36:10.970 –> 01:36:12.430
it’s going to lead to the next step and the next
01:36:12.430 –> 01:36:14.289
step. The next step after resentment is anger.
01:36:15.050 –> 01:36:17.130
You’ll be angered at something, and then you’ll
01:36:17.130 –> 01:36:20.970
seek vengeance for it. And then you want to eliminate
01:36:20.970 –> 01:36:23.850
the villain out of your life. You’ll either stonewall
01:36:23.850 –> 01:36:26.869
him and block it out, and he becomes a villain,
01:36:26.909 –> 01:36:30.489
so you want elimination. Or there’s death in
01:36:30.489 –> 01:36:33.210
elimination. And if he can’t do either of those
01:36:33.210 –> 01:36:36.520
two things, Then you have a further rolling down
01:36:36.520 –> 01:36:40.380
of the resentment, which is, first thing is apathy.
01:36:40.399 –> 01:36:42.220
You say, I just don’t care anymore. There’s no
01:36:42.220 –> 01:36:44.539
reason to care about anything. And then you withdraw
01:36:44.539 –> 01:36:46.619
yourself. You take yourself away from it all
01:36:46.619 –> 01:36:48.439
because there’s nothing you can do about it.
01:36:48.899 –> 01:36:52.119
You get depression. So you become depressed because
01:36:52.119 –> 01:36:54.840
there’s no hope. There’s no possible progress.
01:36:54.979 –> 01:36:57.859
There’s no way to make things better. So I can’t
01:36:57.859 –> 01:37:00.760
eliminate that event. That event’s there. Now
01:37:00.760 –> 01:37:03.659
I’m just depressed. And then the only last thing,
01:37:04.079 –> 01:37:07.899
to that which is the the lowest point is lowest
01:37:07.899 –> 01:37:10.880
point i can think of is elimination of self for
01:37:10.880 –> 01:37:14.140
safety you either go become a hermit you run
01:37:14.140 –> 01:37:16.100
off and you’re only yourself you don’t have any
01:37:16.100 –> 01:37:21.140
other people around you or the death so safety
01:37:21.140 –> 01:37:25.260
first for your own safety you create death that’s
01:37:25.260 –> 01:37:27.899
why we don’t want to go down the path of resentment
01:37:27.899 –> 01:37:31.340
that’s that that’s where that door leads to if
01:37:31.340 –> 01:37:34.199
you Take resentment. It is self -annihilation.
01:37:35.140 –> 01:37:37.640
[Outro] Well, I think that’s it. Do you want to say anything
01:37:37.640 –> 01:37:40.520
to anyone that maybe might be listening to this?
01:37:40.859 –> 01:37:43.439
Yeah, as you guys are listening to it, all of
01:37:43.439 –> 01:37:46.899
you people that have joined our conversation,
01:37:47.380 –> 01:37:50.359
this is just the continuing of it. And if you’re
01:37:50.359 –> 01:37:53.500
paying attention to timing, we had a time we
01:37:53.500 –> 01:37:57.460
haven’t talked, but that was just a sabbatical.
01:37:57.949 –> 01:38:00.850
An appropriate time alone without discussing
01:38:00.850 –> 01:38:04.069
things. But I think it’s interesting that when
01:38:04.069 –> 01:38:06.510
we got back into this conversation, none of the
01:38:06.510 –> 01:38:08.770
previous conversations had left. Even though,
01:38:08.789 –> 01:38:12.029
how many months has it been? April. Seven months
01:38:12.029 –> 01:38:16.050
since we’ve talked, I think. Is that right? Perhaps.
01:38:16.310 –> 01:38:18.609
I’m not going to contest that. It’s possible.
01:38:19.329 –> 01:38:21.130
Right. It’s possible it’s been seven months.
01:38:21.189 –> 01:38:24.329
I think it’s been seven months. And nothing was
01:38:24.329 –> 01:38:28.149
left. Nothing is missing. Based on that seven
01:38:28.149 –> 01:38:32.310
months hiatus vacation. And I think we’re just
01:38:32.310 –> 01:38:35.789
as valid today. So you can still find us at do
01:38:35.789 –> 01:38:39.569
you have a minute podcast? I forgot what they
01:38:39.569 –> 01:38:42.689
see. It’s been, we’ve lost that. Do you have
01:38:42.689 –> 01:38:45.390
a minute conversations .com? Do you have a minute
01:38:45.390 –> 01:38:48.270
podcast .com? Okay. Do you have a minute podcast
01:38:48.270 –> 01:38:50.270
.com? That’s what it is. I had to type it in
01:38:50.270 –> 01:38:53.710
because it has been months. It’s been seven months.
01:38:54.720 –> 01:38:57.180
Maybe we’ll be back in line. Perhaps it’s something
01:38:57.180 –> 01:38:59.460
that will continue on a more regular basis, but
01:38:59.460 –> 01:39:02.239
I think it’d be useful. We’ve got things to discuss,
01:39:02.420 –> 01:39:05.939
still things we were working on, and we enjoy
01:39:05.939 –> 01:39:09.159
your participation. Get a hold of us any way
01:39:09.159 –> 01:39:13.020
that you want and join us at some point. So invite
01:39:13.020 –> 01:39:15.079
yourself on the podcast. We’d be happy to talk
01:39:15.079 –> 01:39:18.539
to you. Outside of that, have a great night.
01:39:18.899 –> 01:39:20.039
Goodbye. Bye.
Do you have a minute? 
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